Last posts on sex

Giving it up without a fight

2012-01-18T10:11:00+01:00

A student once asked me, "What do I say to people when they make fun of me for being a virgin?" I told her what a wiser person had told me, "Tell them that you have something they can NEVER have again."

A student told me today that she couldn't come to tutoring because she had to go to the gynocologist's office tomorrow. When I asked why she told me, "Oh, well you know that boy that I was dating..yeah well we you know."

When I asked her about him she said that they weren't even dating anymore when he had snuck into her house and she GAVE him her virginity. Rumors got around school and her mother found out. She said that her mom grounded her for a week. The reason however wasn't that she had, had sex it was because he had snuck into the house.

When I asked why she gave something so precious to someone that wasn't even her boyfriend anymore she replied, "Well it just sort of happened." She said, "Besides I wasn't planning on waiting till I was married or anything."

I was sitting there listening to her and wondering to myself.."Why doesn't this beautiful, young and talented girl see her virginity as something to be guarded and kept for her future husband."

The answer..her example...She has been raised by a single mother that has a live in boyfriend. She watches TV and listens to music that encourage promiscuity. Perhaps she has been raised in a home without Godly morality.

The worlds tells you that there is nothing sacred. There was no good reason for her to save her virginity.

Yet even though this girl has been raised without God and been taught that this behaviour is acceptable...I could see the faint look of shame on her face as her conscience was pricked.

I wondered yet again.." Why is she sharing this with me when she knows that I am going to encourage her to not continue down this path." Perhaps this is her way of asking for help...to know if she is worth more to someone that just some momentary pleasure that they can get for themselves.

If you are reading this and you are contemplating weather or not you should have sex with someone that you are not married to the answer is "NO"!! Don't do it...even if you think that you are in a committed relationship..commitment without real commitment is not commitment. If that person isn't willing to wait to sleep with you then they don't deserve you.

No one can take your virginity away from you..you have to give it. If you have been raped or abused God can and will restore you. You still have your virginity..because it is a precious gift that you should guard for the love of your life..your husband or wife.

"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard" Romans 3:23

"All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him." Is. 53:6

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Is 53:5

Perhaps you have given more than your virginity to the world...perhaps you have been prostituting yourself to whomever or whatever draws your eye. Perhaps it is the mall, your children, your job, your house, your car.

None of those things sound like they would be drawing you away from God...but if you are spending more time thinking and giving your love to those things then you have left your first love...go back to Jesus...everything else will fade away...curl up in his arms and remember you are the bride of Christ..he wants your virginity in the sense that he doesn't want to share your true love and affection with anyone or anything else.

Infectious Rot

2011-08-04T19:55:47+02:00

Yesterday I went to the store and bought some grapes...I felt them at the store to make sure they were nice and hard..as I don't think anyone likes squishy grapes.

At home I discovered that there were several grapes on each cluster that were rotting and had fungus starting to grow on them...after removing everyone of them that I could see I thought everything was okay. But it wasn't several of the other grapes that had just a tiny opening or cut were infected by this fungus and didn't taste right at all.

When I was returning home from Europe last week I got on my plane in Paris...and had to sit next to a little oriental girl...she was 5..but wanted me to believe that she was 7 for some reason. She was sitting next to me and her mother sitting next to her.

As we got on the plane we were told that the people that put the bags on the plane had decided to go on strike. They said we would only have to wait for 1 hour...hopefully. 3 hours later some workers from the Singapore airline helped load our luggage onto our plane and we took off for our 9 hour flight.

This little girl that was sitting next to me was being very rude to her mother and even hitting her...and giving her demands. She was trying to be just as rude to me, so I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her until she started being nice to her mommy. She called me a "Poopy head" and that was the end of our conversation.

To the back of me I had noticed that there was a guy and girl that had just met as we boarded the plane. They started talking and giggling..I think they were in their early 20's. About 2 hours into our 12 hour duration on this plane I looked back and they were playing tonsil hockey..seriously like they were really "getting to know each other" As the flight continued they were making out and by the middle of the flight she was straddling him in the seat..

After spending 2 months in Europe and watching the degradation of morality..I don't know why I was so shocked..but alas..I still was.

So to sum it up what do rotting grapes have to do with a bratty little girl or a couple of hormone crazed people...

By allowing those rotten grapes to stay they start to infect everything and everyone around them...just as that little girl not learning respect or those two people being so intimate with eachother when in all reality they will most likely never see each other again..

In the end I heard her say.."Well it was nice to meet you.." That is what Satan will do in our lives if we allow him in..he will come in and french kiss you making you think that he loves you...when in the end he is smothering you to death with his deception.

"But I am not surprised! Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light" 2 Cor. 11:14

Keep your eyes open and your armour on!!

Great Chat Tuesday!

2010-04-29T17:51:09+02:00

I wanted to thank you all for coming to our chat this past Tuesday night at Coffee Time Romance and More! What a great bunch of chatters we had there.

I think the live chats are so much fun.

If you missed this one keep an eye out for the next with Class Act's authors, we are more fun than TV.

LOL, Jewel Adams

Jewel Adams
Romance with a Touch of Spice
Look for new and spicy releases...
Afternnon Delights and Undercover Love
Coming from Class Act Books.com

http://authors.coffeetimeromance.com/jeweladams/

Live Chat tonight ! - Coffee Time Romance and More

2010-04-27T19:10:03+02:00

Class Act Books' Authors will be holding a chat tonight at 9PM Eastern time at Coffee Time Romance and More's Live Chat Room. You can join us by entering the chatroom here: http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/Chat.html

Then click the big button to enter the chatroom :)

I'm going to be there to tell you all about my spicy, new books coming out soon!

I hope I'll see you there and we can chat. You might win a book!

AFTERNOON DELIGHTS

A spicy collection of short stories that will warm up your day!

Come take a peek into the erotic lives of this afternoon’s lovers.

Sugar & Spice – Amy tries to face the fact her marriage is over until Jim walks in the door.

Moonlight & Madness – Susan is furious with Jake for cozying up to a woman at the party they are attending. Can Jake smooth his wife’s anger and salvage the passion in their marriage?

Here, There and… - Julie’s sexual appetite runs hot and wild, and Danny’s not complaining.

Happy Feet – Jenna sighs over the touch of Justin’s magic fingers that sends her body into overdrive too feel so much more.

Oh Baby It’s Cold Outside – Meg’s anger over being stuck in a snow storm won’t stop her shivers. But things quickly heat up when she’s rescued by one hunk of a policeman.

Happily Ever After – Mandy’s childhood crush never cooled for Frank and she decides it is time he knew just how she feels!

Wishing & Hoping – Stood up on her birthday, Sandy shares her birthday with her cat. Who says wishes don’t come true!

Another spicy release from Jewel Adams...

UNDERCOVER LOVE

Jewel Adams

Katie finally lands a job in what she believes is the safest place in San Diego. Serving nearly four-hundred police breakfast and lunch, would be the last place her ex could find her.

Cash Hayden is right up there in the danger line-up. When Cash pulls the fiery Kate into his undercover life, he wants the woman he finds—regardless of the risks.

Can Katie learn to trust once more? Will they survive the danger that comes with the man she is falling in love with?

Knees & Elbows Make a Porno (18+)

2010-01-25T09:05:00+01:00

Well ok, not exactly Sean Cody. But I did "study" Sean Cody and it felt as if I WAS working for Sean Cody.

lol

They have a great panoramic view of downtown. A dazzling KC skyline was on display, but tonight, nobody was paying any attention.

This couple wanted a homemade sex tape, so i gladly extended my steady helping hands.

Fit, toned muscles x2.

Why not.

Always open to new experience~

After carefully reviewing my favourite Sean Cody videos for reference, I knew I should capture both the mechnical as well as the holistic side of sex. Mental note:

- Change my angle every 10-20 seconds.

- Never zoom in or out too fast.

- Pick a level of height that makes things pop.

- Don't just focus on the genitalia.

- Position, position, position.

- Avoid knees and elbows.

Being true to my-attention-to-detail-self, I even asked them in advance how far they normally shoot ;-P

It was a bit awkard at the beginning. No kidding. Try getting hard when a total stranger is holding a camcorder in your face. But they did slowly warmed up and do the things they've always been doing.

After all their clothes came off, I got "bolder" and started directing and moving their knees & elbows out of the way.

Needless to say, the most important ingredience of a great porno is sexual chemistry, and these two just ooze 100% pure sex.

Having know each other for 5+ years, they know exactly how to please each other. They can even predict when their partner would cum.

I was slightly jealous.

By request, I spent a fair amount of time lying on the floor filming upwards. Never had I put my head amongst that many legs lol

Things got so hot on the kitchen counter that we had to take a break to cool off.

Once inside the bedroom, all hell broke loose. Mr Macho spreaded his beefy legs and took it like a Navy man that he is.

Who would've thought?!

As a safer-sex kinda boy, I was a bit taken aback by their no-nonesense bareback flip-flop fucking. Once you've reached a certain level of trust and intimacy, I guess condoms do become despensible.

To get an aerial view, I had to stand on the same bed proping up the camera as they pounded the night away. Boy, was I THERE there. Seeing the action and hearing all the meat slapping. I could feel every single bit of the vibrations, the rhythm at which the matress jerked back and fort.

Weird yet arousing, massively.

I was so distracted/excited that my hands started to shake and I was probably filming knees & elbows half of the time.

hehehehe.

What a way to get motion sickness.

Sex and Priests

2009-09-21T18:27:22+02:00

Sex started when the world began. Priests, we must remember, are men. Just men. Eugenia Renskoff

Sex and Love

2009-07-25T19:55:02+02:00

Sex is not love but sex and love (between a man and a woman, for instance) often go together. When you are in love, you want to touch and feel the person you love. You usually do not want to admire one another from afar. Eugenia Renskoff

Untitled

2008-12-02T07:45:00+01:00

News on Jewel and What's Happening

2008-11-15T00:22:00+01:00

Hi Everyone,

I have been in hiding the last few months, at least it feels that way lol and I plan on changing that condition. Thank you all for your support, your well wishes were a wonderful pick me up.

Oh, I do have a lot of news. I've been writing again, whew! Sometimes we just need a break. I would love to share that I have finished my new Time Travel, SCARLET RAVEN!

What a wonderful adventure and love story, my goodness but Corin and Rogan do warm up those cool waters in the Carribean lol. You know, I've been writing/researching this pirate adventure story for nearly 8 years, started it long before Pirates of the Carribean came out. I have to say that I think my pirates are a wee bit more realistic and those kisses don't stop there, LOL.

SCARLET RAVEN is now out in both print and ebook formats. I have a new publisher and my novels are now out there for my readers. I have posted all my books so that you can find the excerpts and have fun reading.

See what you think of SCARLET RAVEN...

SCARLET RAVEN by Jewel Adams

Corin McCloud stows away on a refurbished schooner—the Raven. The journey barely begins when a violent storm rolls over the schooner, throwing her world upside down and lands her in Charlotte Amalie, 1725.

Rogan Drake spent the last two years building his reputation as the infamous pirate—Dragon, in order to revenge his brother's murder. He forgoes following the pirate Billings, to keep an eye on a girl that just entered the city. She certainly wasn't from here, not dressed so…openly. "Brave little woman, but hardly wise." The exotic shape of her eyes reminded him of a wild cat. Add in the sensual blend of amber and chocolate, and a man could drown in their depth. "Are you untamed my little stranger?"

Can Rogan give up his quest to revenge his brother's death in order to keep Corin safe? Will she accept her new life as his wife? Can they both survive the anger of Black Diamond, the most notorious pirate in the Caribbean?

SCARLET RAVEN is an adventure in Time that will fill your heart with love and your soul with life that once roamed the open seas!

You can read the excerpt on my Coffee Time Romance Author page:

http://authors.coffeetimeromance.com/jeweladams/

ANG LUPIT MO LANDO!

2008-05-23T09:54:29+02:00

ANG LUPIT MO LANDOMayroon akong PAPA.LANDO ang pangalan niya.Mahal ko siya.Ewan ko lang sa kanya.Sa tuwing kami ay magkikita,Nabubutas ang aking bulsa.Sa umaga, pengeng pera,Sa hapon, pengeng pang meriyenda,Sa hapunan ay wala na siya,Pero ubos na ang pagkain sa lamesa.Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba?Ako ba’y martir o tanga lang talaga?Harap-harapan na ako’y niloloko na,Ngunit sa’yo ako’y patay na patay pa.Lahat ng gusto mo’y ibinigay ko na,Ano ba naman ang kulang pa?Sarili ko ay kinalimutan ko na,Para lang ikaw ay mapasaya.Ngunit bakit ganito LANDO?Durug na durog na ang aking pusoSa tuwing ako’y kausap mo,Unti-unti ako’y lumalayo.Baka kung ano na naman ang iyong ibato,At tamaan na naman ang mukha ko.Kailangan nang matigil ito,Hindi ko na gusto ang mga kilos mo.Totoong napaka-makasarili mo,Paano naman ako?Mas maganda pala sa aking mundo,Kesa sa piling mo na parang impyerno.Hindi na ikaw ang lalaking nakilala ko.Wala na ang iyong mga pangako.Talagang hindi ka naging totoo,Lumuha lang ako sa piling mo.Babalik na ako sa aking paraiso,Sa mundong minamahal ako.Doon ay hindi nila ako hinihingian,Bagkus ako pa ay kanilang binibigyan.Hindi ko kailangang magdusa at masaktan,Sa kanila ay tao akong tinuringan.Ngunit hangang ngayon ako’y nasasaktan,Ikaw na nga ba’y nasaan?Sana ikaw ay maliwanagan,Magisip nang iyong mga pagkukulang.Sapagka’t ako’y nagiisa lamang,Nagmahal sa’yo ng walang hangganan.Ngayon, ako’y maligaya na,Buhay ko ay natagpuan ko na.Ngunit hanggang ngayo’y mahal pa rin kita.Kailan kita muling magkikita.Sana lang ako’y wag nang sasaktan pa,Nang ako’y wag nang lumayo pa.Kay lupit mo LANDO

Tell Them: Physicians Should Screen for Sexual Violence History

2008-05-06T05:55:00+02:00

For many people a routine visit to the doctor is anything but routine. But for 1.8 million Texans (According to a University of Texas at Austin study) the visit to the doctor can be an even greater challenge. According to the study these Texans at some point in their lives have been a victim of sexual assault. According to RAINN 82% of people who are victims of rape/sexual assault never recieve medical interventions but they are being seen in the physicians office. They are being seen for symptomology related to chronic depression, eating disorders, obesity, anxiety disorders, gasteroentistinal problems, difficulty with concentration, maintaining healthy b0undaries/relationships and sleep disorders. Many doctors at intake will ask questions concerning a client's history that some people may indeed feel are invasive and personal. The problem is that when people with a history of sexual assault present themselves in the doctors office with these symptoms and a sexual assualt history has not been taken, physicians are missing opportunities to offer survivors access to interventive measures (through a referral system) to counseling, therapy, support groups and other social services.The second part of the problem is that almost 50% of persons sexually assaulted are under age 18. Of those victims, 70% of the victims know their perpetrators or are related them. Many physicians find this challenging with respect to having to report instances of child sexual abuse, but the law is not merky, they must report. The following are some other reasons that physicians list as why they do not screen:They fear opening Pandora's BoxThey lack the trainingThey lack the timeThey believe it is a personal issueThe cost would be too muchThese arguments are indeed valid but one has to wonder about the correlation between having to screen for domestic violence in the ob/gyn community but no such requirements for the other medical disciplines. When so many children are at risk it does not seem at all seem prudent or fair. But for the sake of a balanced argument, suppose all of these arguments had merit. The question then becomes not why it is not possible, but how can we work through the barriers of screening for sexual assault to be able to offer survivors access to the best possible services to ensure a better overall quality of life.With respect to training physicians must CME trainings which can be used toward education related to sexual assault. As for time, it is clear that time in the physicians office is less and less. However, others in the office can recieve the appropriate training to be able to approach individuals who make the decision to make an outcry. The staff can also where buttons which encourage people to ask questions; for example: Ask Me About Sexual Assult. This gives whomever wants to talk about the issue the opportunity to ask of their own volition in their own time about their concerns. Physicians can also work with local and are sexual assault agencies to have brochures in their offices which give informtion about sexual assault, available interventions, brochures that talk about help, hope and how to obtain justice. If the oath that the doctors take is to first do no harm, could it not be taken that lack of movement on this issue on behalf of victims, though passive is doing harm?As for this being a very personal issue, this is right. It is one that involves fear, shame, guilt, sometimes hopelessness and mistrust. When physicians make the decision not to ask the question at intake and directly to the client as a part of a routine doctor visit then they have made offering hope, healing and justice for survivors less attainable and contribute directly to the darkness and secrecy that predators depend on to continue these dastardly acts. It is their responsibility.The bottom line is that if advocates, survivors and other concerned persons don't let physicians know that screening is something they want to see done in their physicians office it will never get done. Let your physicians know that you want them to screen for sexual assault, have educational materials available in their office, have referral and legal brochures, DVDs available and also be prepared with respect to training to avoid re-victimization of victims.

Ronaldinho préfère jouer au Milan ac au Chelsea

2007-09-28T18:17:48+02:00

Ronaldinho préfère jouer à Milan plutôt qu'à Chelsea Selon La Gazzetta dello Sport.

Le joueur deux fois meilleur joueur au monde Fâché avec son coach Rijkaard est prêt à laisser les géants Espagnol-

La Gazzetta dello Sport déclare que seulement deux équipes en Europe ont une réel chance d'acheter le Brésilien,le Milan ac et Chelsea. On dit que Ronaldinho favorise un transfert vers l'Italie en raison du style de vie et les Brésiliens déjà present au club . Les Rossoneri ont actuellement sept joueurs brésiliens ; Dida, Cafu, Emerson, Serginho, Digao, Kaka et Ronaldo. Alexandre Pato a également signé pour les champions d'europe et sera apte pour jouer à partir de janvier. le Président Silvio Berlusconi est prêt a mettre £70m (110 m euro ) de côté afin de financier l'affaire. Ceci inclut le salaire de 11 M d'euro par an de Ronaldino. ce dérnier a été absent des deux dérniers matchs contre Séville et Zaragoza,

Kaka & Ronaldinho : le mercato s'enflamme ...

2007-07-04T02:15:36+02:00

Comme l'avait souligné Libertus, Le Real de Madrid veut engager Kaka. Le joueur brésilien met la pression sur Sylvio Berlusconi. Lors d'une entrevue, il a tenu à souligner son envie de rejoindre le club madriléne.

Berlusconi est formel, Kaka est intransférable !! Pourtant il ne serait pas insensible aux 80 millions d'euros, proposés par Ramon Calderon ... Ronaldinho aurait été rencontré ...

La rumeur s'intensifie dans la botte. Le Milan AC va-t-il voir partir l'un de ses plus beaux fleurons ? Il n'y a pas de fumée sans feu ... Le Real va tout faire pour réaliser ce transfert. Le joueur brésilien est désireux de vivre une nouvelle aventure, relever un nouveau défi. Il ne manque que l'aval de l'emblématique président du Milan AC pour que l'opération se concrétise .

Kaka a tout gagné avec le club lombard. Un désir légitime de retrouver une nouvelle motivation le pousse vers le Real de Madrid. Le stade de la rumeur est dépassé, nous entrons dans la période du poker menteur.

Berlusconi avait affiché son intérêt envers Samuel Eto'o. Apparement, le président milanais avait d'autres intentions. Des indiscrétions relatent une entrevue avec ... Ronaldinho . De rumeur ... Non . Le rêve du président milanais ne date pas d'hier et aussi étrange que cela paraisse, le FC Barcelone ne serait pas hostile à cette transaction ...

Les excédents de poids de la star brésilienne, son goût prononcé pour les sorties nocturnes, commencent à irriter certains dirigeants du club catalan. L'intérêt que porte le FC Barcelone, pour Franck Lampard, le stratège de Chelsea, serait l'explication ...

Un double transfert qui pourrait atteindre des sommets. Kaka en digne successeur de Zidane, Ronaldinho pour faire oublier le talentueux joueur brésilien ... Les jours à venir nous révéleront la teneur des informations ...

source : http://www.come4news.com/kaka-ronaldinho-le-mercato-senflamme.html

The body Archive

2007-07-02T00:47:55+02:00

Over breakfast, late on Saturday, we are both feeling restless, I don't know what lead to what in our conversation. Ever since I got up I wanted to go to a bar and have a drink. Not so much for the drinking, but for that sweaty crowded human interaction, the risk taking and possibilities or maybe it's just that I felt too trapped in my own head. just one person came to movie night on Friday and when I was trying to count all the times this week that I spend with somebody aside of him, it came down to about 2 hours. I'm not quite sure what I want but going to that restaurant to have the same thing for breakfast and knowing how my day's going to unfold even before it really started made me feel sick and edgy. We don't have a routine, neither of us is working a 9 to 5 job, and yet, we tend to fall into our habits into our hermetic life style of making art and surfing the net and talking, eating, sleeping, having sex, in the same places at the same times. Just because by now it's what we are both used to.

We talk about it over breakfast, trying to wake up, having a second cup of coffee in those large yellow mugs the color of an egg yolk. Williamsburg is feeling sleepy, vacant, today, everyone's out of town and the rest are sort of spreading their weekend lazily, or maybe it's just me. When we go back to the house he remember that Steven invited us to an opening party at his gallery, and we decide to go.

The body archive gallery is a relic from a different time. It's located in the meat packing district and survive on account of some rent control contract that designate the small space and the roof space over the auto garage as commercial. It's an erotic art gallery owned by a photographer that's sometime open and sometime closed and is very hard to see from the street if you don't know what you are looking for. The art is never really great and it always seem like the person showing their stuff there was a friend or a lover asking for a favor.

We take the motorcycle in and park in the street right under Pastis which is crowded of course in those thin women who in their chatter and yellow, green and blue dresses and high heels reminds me of a beautiful flock of exotic birds. We go up. The little room in full of people, not many, maybe 8 or 9 but it's a small dark place and it feel crowded, even though almost nobody's really talking. Steven looks good, he tells us about shooting the other day and about other art project he's involved in, it's more of an ego display then anything else, that New Yorker quality, of talking only about your successes and never about your fears and failure. For some reason, even for no reason what so ever, everyone here are trying to come out looking more successful then they really are in conversations.

A tall guy in army boots, shorts and a collar introduce himself and we talk a little bit, he's being friendly enough but I feel like I'm having a hard time even with the most mundane conversation I don't know if it's that non sexy sex atmosphere or just that I haven't been talking to stranger in ages, or maybe it's just the distraction of a man in a very strange looking dress and bad make up that looks like someone's uncle or a character from one of those British comedy shows. More people come in or go up to the roof. Some guy who's a little over friendly is showing whips to an overweight woman sitting next to him, he's swinging them around the gallery, and saying "Let's tie up somebody" and everyone nods though nobody's doing anything. It feel's like one of those 5th grade parties - a whole bunch of people just standing there, hoping that someone else is going to make things interesting for them.

We go up to the roof, where the transsexual is engaged in a very animated talk with a blond girl that might do a documentary about her life. Looking from the window into that fancy hotel, I see a woman sitting on a bed talking of the phone, a group of people having drinks in one of the upper floors, and a guy just coming out of the shower, chest shaved and hairy ass, toweling himself wile looking at the people on the street. He puts on pants, jeans and a clean white t-shirt and get out of the room. When we get back into the room, the tall guy with the collar is massaging a middle aged blond woman's feet and then she switch to the whip guy and he gently whip her feet. She's just sitting there, not even enjoying the feeling but talking to someone else. I'm not quite sure what is this all about. For me, that pain, control in sex, is all about silencing my brain into this semi conscious bliss, that floating sensation of being totally focused and engaged, while it looks like over there, it's more like wearing some badge of honor, proving something. But I can't be sure of what it is. Hell, the only thing I can think of is that they all go home later to write in their blogs "Today I whipped some blond's feet" or "today I was at some sex party in a gallery" which sounds a lot better then it actually was.

The guy with the whip is holding a nightstick and prod the blond's pussy, more to get her attention then anything else. She whines - not there, I'm wearing the big piercing today. Then she reminds him not to whip her skin cause she's going to a 4th of July Picnic on Wednesday and doesn't want her family to see the marks.

Later on the roof, they talk about whips again, this one guy is planning on getting another one and then another, he plan to spend 2000$ this year on whips and know where he's going to get them already - there's this guy who's just the best, he trained with the guy who did the Indiana Johns whips but now everyone knows he's even better then that guy.

I think - my favorite sex toy is a short piece of leather that we found in the back room of a fashion designer friend. I'm thinking - there's no way in hell I'm going to like those whips just because they were made by some hot shot whip designer. I'm looking at those people and everything I want to say, sounds, in my mind, either too critical or too nasty, so I don't speak, and no one does really, and no one feels comfortable, and everyone, including me, think they are better then all the rest of them.

My first thought is "I don't like the element of fantasy in this" and the second thought is "This is fucking way too much reality" it feels like going to the bathroom in the middle of a costume party, out there, in the darkness, might have felt like my cheap costume dress made me look like a real fairy, a real princess, someone else, but going into the neon bathroom light, I only see myself, with runny makeup and drunken blood shot eyes, and looking around me, I see a crowd of desperate people all wearing cheap costumes and runny makeup, all fighting age and gravity and sadness, is some pathetic desperate attempt to be someone else.

Ned say to Steven "I think we are going to do an exhibition in your gallery" and Steven say "just don't paint the wall, I like to keep them black" and suddenly there's a whole reason for us being there.

We go on the motorcycle and ride home, taking the long root, first through the streets of Manhattan and then on the brooklyn bridge. It's beautiful the city is full of people and the moon is yellow and large in the middle of the sky. But I barely notice. I keep coming up with more ideas to the exhibition and more ideas for shoots. I feel alive and defiance and clean breathing the fresh air and feeling the wind on my face through the motorcycle visor.

We stay up till 6:00 AM taking picture, painting and talking about art.

Current Reading

2007-06-19T22:20:00+02:00

A smattering of online ideas, opinions, images that are intriquing, amusing, perplexing, and inspiring me right now:

1. America Assimilates Terrorists. Source: Onion: "After 5 Years In U.S., Terrorist Cell Too Complacent To Carry Out Attack." TV addiction, weight gain, and debt has done 'em in.

2. Sorted Books Project. (via Blog on a Toothpick.) Fabulous. Books and journals shelved to tell a story. Example: A Day at the Beach. The Bathers. Shark 1. Shark 2. Shark 3. Sudden Violence. Silence. Also: Genealogy of the Supermarket.

3. Eye contact and shame as invitation to violence at Preaching Peace: "Using shame to keep order will ultimately result in violent chaos and death as the citizens and community become each others' police. While there are laws and agencies to prevent this, the fact that the leadership has resorted to invoking shame suggests that they're not working..."

4. Sex and death, reminders of mortality, from Experimental Theology: "[I]t appears that there are good theoretical, observational, and scientific reasons to believe that religious faith is operating as an existential buffer, as a defense-mechanism to repress death anxiety. This will not prove to be the final story about faith. But it is the beginning of all faith." Believers who remain in "this 'defensive stage' of faith ... never fully confront the anxiety that necessarily accompanies an existential sifting of faith. This adventure is, simply, too scary a prospect. Thus, most retreat from this work and remain, keeping with Freud's metaphor, intoxicated." Hence, bodily sins (sex and drug use) are most shameful in American society and in Christian (among other faiths) culture. Hence, our 'animal-reminder disgust' triggers: Body products (e.g., feces, vomit), Animals (e.g., insects, rats), Sexual behaviors (e.g., incest, homosexuality), Contact with the dead or corpses, Violations of the exterior envelope of the body (e.g., gore, deformity), and poor hygiene.

5. Photo of a Royal Poinciana in bloom in Miami in June. Mmmm.

6. How to keep lettuce and other greens 'bright, firm and flavorful' for a week.

7. In Seattle, 31 church-goers report their experiences at (or almost at) 31 faith community worship services, including the Seventh-day Adventists, Presbyterians, Methodists, Catholics, Episcopals, a mosque, a synagogue, Sea-Tac's (airport) meditation room. church on TV, and 'the Jesus freaks at Mars Hill.' (The prospective attender couldn't find the Baha'i worship space and no one would answer the phone.) They weren't that chuffed with what they found. (If you're skimming, read #10, #13, #15, #18, #19.)

a dream about sex

2007-05-29T19:34:44+02:00

In my dream, we are in a friends apartment, it doesn't look like the way that friend's apartment look in real life, it's bigger and sunnier, there's harsh israeli sunlight coming though all the windows even though it's supposed to be New York. The floor is made of wood and we walk from room to room while the friend is looking for something in her bedroom that she wanted to show us, I can here her voice apologizing for how long it's taking her from the half open door across the hallway. We are standing in the kitchen, the far side of the wall is covered with kitchen cabinets made of a light color wood and shelves with pots and pasta strainers and other kitchen utensils. the windows are open and a really gentle breeze is blowing white cotton curtains into the room, everything looks so fresh and clean.

He's standing right by me, and we are both facing the same direction looking at the way the beautiful curtains moving in the wind, his body's so close that even though he doesn't touch me, I can feel his skin right there, he put his arms around me and hold my breasts I'm trying to push him off, telling him that our friend's going to be out every moment. But I'm not doing it seriously, and I laugh as I push him away, I'm whispering for him to stop and at the same time pushing my ass toward his body. As I turn to kiss him, I see that he's holding one of those cellphone cameras with a tiny screen and he's video typing the kitchen and me as he touches me.

He puts his hand between my leg over the jeans, and start jerking me off, fast and hard. I'm trying not to me loud so that the friend won't here me, and after a couple of seconds i orgasm quietly, giggling and trying to suppress a moan.

Later on, we are standing in a subway station, I think it's the one on Morgan St. but they all look the same to me, really. It's one of those station with just one train passing, so it's just like this long long corridor with mosaic walls and people waiting for the train. There's that green neon light, that's more like the way neon light looks in pictures then the way it is in reality. Some sad faced people are sitting on those wooden benches and waiting for the train. We are standing close to one another and he play the movie he just shot in the friends house. The camera angles are really random and the kitchen is showing more then my face, half the frames are my hair blowing in that summery breeze, but Because the camera phone was so close to my face, my voice sounds really high, I can hear my breathing quickens and how I'm trying to hold it in and giggles and how I break toward the end and my voice breaks in this low growl that I try to muffle fast cause the friend is on the way.

Later that evening, we are home, but it doesn't look like the apartment we live in, the bed is made of metal and painted white, it looks like a hospital bed or an enlarged version of the bed I had as a child. it's smaller then our bed and we both cramped into it, as well as a large pillow that's a quilt work my grandmother made and gave it to me before she died (there is no object like that in reality, it's just a part of the dream) and a large book that I'm trying to read, the book is a collection of stories and artwork and psychology articles all about sexual fantasies. Every story is written in a different type and the look of the entire book is very messy and ugly, but the content is really interesting. I'm laying on my belly, and turning the pages between different stories and complaining about the crappy graphic design.

The video from before is playing in the background and suddenly, hearing my voice trying not to make any noise while I orgasm really turns me on. And him. The whole feeling in the bed changes and even before we start touching one another - it feel like we are having sex. He lower his pants and push his cock into my mouth. I really don't feel like giving him a blow job right then, I'm too horny myself to do that, the bed is sweaty and cramped and there's this claustrophobic intense feeling - the smell of old sweat and bodies, and unwashed bed sheets. He goes on pushing his cock down my throat and he gets bigger and bigger and I feel like I'm chocking, like I can't contain his whole cock in my mouth. We move around the bed and my head's facing the book again, and my eyes reads a strange story written by a woman who's sexual fantasy was to see her husband being fucked by a goat and in the story, she's thinking about how to introduce the topic to him and how she's hesitating because she think he will think she's a pervert.

He pulls out of my mouth and I touch his cock and it looks really strange. The shaft and base are more narrow and the head is all swollen and really thick, and it's shape is like a rose bud, opening, every petal is thick and flashy, skin tone in the base with a red line of blushed skin around the tip and a whole to let the sperm in in the tip. and those petals are opening up and growing the way a flowers open up. I'm leading it back into my mouth but it's so thick it fills my mouth and I'm chocking. I'm thinking about how when he'll cum there'll be so much sperm around I won't be able to hold it in my mouth and it's just going to spill everywhere. The sound of the video intensify, it grows louder and louder as we move faster, harder. The muffles giggles from the video are joined by the sound of us, now, me choking and him moaning and breathing fast.

Then I feel penetration, another cock, which also belong to him, pressing into me hard and fast, fucking my pussy with the same intensity he's fucking my throat.

I wake up a second before we both cum in the dream, My head hurts from too much wine last night and from sounds of construction from outside. He's still asleep next to me, his skin smells salty from sweat. I'm trying to wake him up but he just mumble and turn away, probably wrapped in his own dream. So I masturbate to an orgasm in less then a minute. and then I get up.

Disgusting human behavior: Pedophilia

2007-04-08T14:46:06+02:00

I was listening to her carefully, while she was talking with a sad voice tone. She has been a close friend to me since high school, now she is a young beautiful 23 year-old lady. We talked a lot about many things...we even opened the book of our darkest secrets. I didn’t know that she was abused during her teenagerhood...she was describing me with perfect details, as if i was assisting directly the scene, the sexual intentions of her step father. She was 13 years old that time, he was 51. Her boops started apearing that time, and she was in transition between the childhood world and the teenagerhood one. She was fresh...like a newly opened flower...he was admiring her growing and glowing day after day. Asking for more hugs and looking for free time to be with her alone at home, while the mom is working. He started by making her sitting on his knees...then asking for more hugs for “Daddy”...progressing to warm her up in the clod winter by holding her and making circles on her back and breast...She was “smelling” that something was wrong with this behavior...tried to escape by serval ways: pretended to be sleepy while she was awake, locking herself in her rrom for hours, pretending studying at school while she was off, spend more time outside in the street till the arrival of her mom...She didn’t tell anyone about that... not her mother, not her brother and none of her friend. She was terrified and she was feeling bad, dirty and guilty. She was thinking of the happiness of her mother...how much bad she will feel when she would know the truth. She kept silence for years. She was praying God to end this torture...she was getting prettier and hotter...bad sexual intentions doubled. She resisted many time by following the same strategy...escaping and escaping. 2002 was a lucky year for her: her step father had a car accident and passed away after brain damage. While others were crying, she was laughing...her eyes were illuminating with joy...now she can sleep in peace without thinking what lie she would invent the following day. She was lucky...but what about others? millions of children are living that everyday, if it’s not worse... how can an adult man touch or think sexually about a child or a teenager? How a man dare to touch someone considered as his own child or worse yet carrying the same blood and gene? Is that a huge lack of sex ?...i don’t think so...the street, the TV, the magazines, the internet can satisfy those who are that hungry with professionnal females made for that...It is nothing but a sickness...a disgusting, horrible and dirty behavior.For those who have children: listen, follow, controle and protect your children (girls or boys) as much as you can...even if everything seem ok, there are always a dark hidden side of fear and shame that urge the child to keep the silence. It’s for you to break it.http://technorati.com/tag/pedophilia that’s sad.

Sientifically talking :“Life is summarized in Respiration, Alimentation and Sex”

2007-04-07T19:12:17+02:00

Talking scientifically, without considering feelings (love, passion, mercy...) or considering entertainment (art..) or whatever, there are three MAIN MAJOR and VITAL needs that we can’t live without: Alimentation, Respiration and Sex. It has been proved that our body depends on those three key words to maintain life: If one of them is missing, the basic metabolism will enter in disorder and end with death. We all agree that respiration is on the top of the list: no one can live without air...and personally, if they close my noise and mouth and will be told to chose between Billions of $ or that one deep fresh breath that i will be struggling for, of course the air will define my life more than the money...it is really precious.Thinking of the alimentation, the example of the house comes to my mind: to build a house, we need materials for construction; same thing with the body: to build our structure we need materials also...our materials are brought via nutrition and food. But, some houses may be destroyed if the basics are not well done...a strong wind can take it in his journey. The body is same, if we don’t eat the necessary demanded components (water, glucides, proteins, lipids, minerals, vitamines and fibers) we will be stuggling with some sickness and diseases.When it comes to sex, different points of view may be elaborated according to religion, belief... but at the end sex is a simple matter of priorities. It was classified as an indispensable element for life. If we begin with the body...the body doesn’t know where to lead us, exept into more and more sensations of the flesh....sensations that must, by certain physiological laws, eventually cause the body to become immune to sensation, needing ever more and more stimulation....until finally like a drug, the tolerance level is reached. That fulfilling sensation and activity is required by the body and the brain...and no one can escape it. If your reason and mind do, your body won’t; and vice versa. Sex is not a sin; only the mis-use of its energy is a sin. No one can live without sex, if they don’t do it with a partner, they must be doing it secretly by themselves...Breath deep to be conscious of the air value. Eat healthy to protect your life and boby. Find love to enjoy sex because “Using the body as an instrument for sex alone, without feelings or love, is like listening to a symphony but using only one speaker.”

Do you want to know?

2007-04-02T03:39:03+02:00

Submission

2007-03-11T04:32:56+01:00

Last night when we were in bed,
you were touching me.
And then you stopped.

You look scared, you said.
And I nodded.

You like like you look when you want me to hurt you, you said.
And I nodded.
I want you to tell me, you said, what are you feeling,
it seem like such a privet place, and I want to know,
I want to be a part of it.

I couldn't answer.
Or rather, I didn't want to.

I wanted to be penetrated by your body,
and not, by your words.

But what I was feeling then, before you stopped:

Helpless,
Submissive,
Out of control,
Serene,

Like I'm a baby,

Too small for words.

Too small to be handling my body,
too small to even move.

Like it's too heavy for me, to so anything with and it was all left for you.

To have,
to touch,
to hurt,
to love.

I wanted you to take over. not just at that moment, in bed, but always.

I wanted you to put me in a dipper or carry me to the bathroom, whenever I needed to go.
I wanted you to undress me.
I wanted you to dress me
and feed me
I wanted to be forbidden of doing things.
I wanted to be told what to do.

I wanted that helplessness to penetrate and take over.
Everything.

I didn't want words and thought, to take over
That moment.

When you pulled back, like that,
when you forced me to think.
I felt abandoned.
I felt tricked.

Like you brought me to a forest, just to leave me there, to find my way back on my own.

I felt ashamed
for wanting
what I wanted.

I was angry, I wanted to yell at you, and cry and slam the door.
Just so I don't have to feel this shame.

It scars me that you don't want to be rough on me.

Do i have to or not?

2007-02-23T16:30:59+01:00

We were talking yesternight , he is so close to me you can say he is my friend but the relation between us is more then that , well we were talking about some one huh i saw he is getting far away frm the right road he is old enough to see to know how to make things how to be right in his life, but when i told him that he have a gf any way she isn't his gf but she is a pussy like some one said i got hoe's in diffrent area so he went out side to met that pussy , guesse what did he said ما تقولش ليا نتا ما كين والوا , huh like i have to ,do i must do that nasty things? i ain't get interrested in that no mo' , i did it in the past had many relation with gals be4 i have many degree's from those gals they all said that am good one of them said happy wife you gonna have-don't wonder she said that cause she got hot onbed whith me she felt the real sensation and got satisfacted for real so i don't need no mo' to do that it's not because i had many relation or i had the experience that i looked for but i just get i just understand that having sex with a girl is something holly every body should preserve his her virginity to his partner that will be so great to stay virging till marriage well i know that i am not virgin no mo' but wish i could get it back i lost it -yes i did -but it's not to late to protect him self and being faitfull to him self first now i did a promise to ma self to never do it again till i marry .check this sound for u who lost his-her virginity it ain't so late to think about it again sex is somehing holly it ain't a funny thing man stop acting like a donkey gals stop acting like hoe's lets respect our selfs

How i wishes.....

2007-01-07T10:27:17+01:00

I've been dreaming about how nice would it be if i could jerk infront of a squatting uniformed schoolgirl. Coming all over her. Can anyone tell me am i sick to have such fetish?

comparison

2006-12-27T09:03:16+01:00

Until sometime ago, I thought it was normal to have an orgasm five times a day for most men, if not all. Of course, I drew this conclusion from my own relationships. Albeit I'd slept with eight men thus far, but those eight represented the entire male population to me.

All of them usually would have three orgasms in a period of two hours. And usually in each relationship, the man and I would make love in the morning and at night daily. Hence the conclusion of five orgasms for men were the norm. There were times when it was more than five times.

Then I was told a few months ago by a few people [men and women, directly and indirectly] that actually that was quite something [aka not the norm other than new relationships].

It gave me a pause.

True that all the men who had dated me thought I was hot. But I thought yes, while I believed them, but to me mostly it was 20% the truth and 80% lip-service. They were complimenting me to please my vanity.

Honestly speaking, when I undressed and looked at myself in the mirror, I did not think I looked at all like a tempest that would make men lost their head and their control like they all confessed at one time or the other in the bedroom chamber.

Eventhough I had no complaint about the shape of my body, I did think it could be better.

My bed-mates told me that I was too critical about my shape whereas it was delectable in the eyes of the beholder.

Maybe I was critical. Because at one time, I did have the perfect body.

This was when I was still dancing. My body was slender and toned. But unlike ballerina's body or typical asian body I had generous curves at all the right places. My body was so perfectly in shape that it was the envy of all females from my own peers right up to mother's friends. And it always turned men's head.

One of Mother's friend even suggested to Mother that I should have my body photographed and oil painted naked because such shape didn't come once in a lifetime for most women and wouldn't last.

Even my gay jazz-ballet teacher admired my body, not in sexual way, of course, but he said it was art because it was very beautifully shaped. Everything was right, the long arms, the long legs, the high none-too-small breasts, the high tight buttocks, the tapered flat stomach.

And it didn't last. But I knew how my body looked once, and I used that as the measurement when I looked at my naked body since then.

And compared to what I had then up to eleven years ago, what I had now, was not so hot. And I was always afraid to disappoint. I had always the feeling I was sort of a fantasy lover. When men saw me, they conjured this certain image about me. And I felt that I might not come up to that fantasy, because I knew I, once, did come up to that image.

I remembered the first time I slept with Alpha again after a span of years from being a dancer to the time that I no longer had that dancer's figure, I was uncertain, almost afraid to appear completely nude to him. It took him quite sometime to assure me I was still hot, until finally he showed unmistakable proof that my attraction to him did not change, that I was still turning him on as before when we were younger.

And apparently it was hot enough for the men I'd dated to make them reach orgasms more often than the general population.

Still, most of the time I did think the men imagined more out of me than I really was.

Schoolgirls wear their uniforms short

2006-12-25T07:29:17+01:00

Some schoolgirls likes to wear their school skirts short. So short that it shows much of their lovely silky smooth nice legs. With their pleated school skirt, it makes me hard-on fast & wanting to take a peep underneath their skirts. These girls are bitches to me. They are horny. They wear their school skirts so short to seek attention. These girls just wanna seduces. THese schoolgirls are curious about & craving about sex.

Ronaldinho magic inspires Barca win

2006-12-05T23:29:16+01:00

An irresistible first half of football from Barcelona crowned by strikes from Ronaldinho and Eidur Gudjohnson saw the champions move into the knockout stages of the Champions League with a 2-0 win over Werder Bremen at Camp Nou.

Ronaldinho settled nerves inside the stadium with a perfectly thought out free-kick on 13 minutes, after he had been felled by Pierre Wome just outside the penalty area.

Sensing the Bremen wall would jump, the Brazilian stepped up and side-footed a shot under the wall and in at the far post.

Goalkeeper Tim Wiese was left incensed at his team-mates for allowing the ball to run under them, but credit must go to Ronaldinho for his anticipation and intelligence.

Five minutes later, and the Catalans were well and truly on their way. Ronaldinho turned inside from the left, and fired a delightful crossfield ball in behind the visitors' defence for the marauding Ludovic Giuly to latch onto. He took one touch, before laying it square for Gudjohnsen to blast home from close range.

By now, Barcelona were rampant, with Andres Iniesta and Deco in total control of affairs in midfield.

Indeed it was the latter who almost provided the spark for his team's third, collecting a clearance from Carles Puyol, before charging forward all of 60 yards and releasing Gudjohnsen.

The big Icelander showed remarkable agility and superb close control, skipping past three Bremen defenders, though saw his shot come back off a post to Giuly, who managed to shank the ball wide only eight yards out and with the entire goal at his mercy.

As the half wore on, Bremen managed to gain a foothold in the game, and had the travelling support out of their seats in anticipation when Wome fired in a teasing ball from the left, though it rolled agonisingly across the face of goal as Marco Almeida and Miroslav Klose were both unable to reach it.

After a scintillating first 45 minutes, the Catalans emerged rather subdued in the second half, and Bremen found their passing and rhythm.

Diego began to exert his influence on the game, and was a constant threat with his vision and movement.

He twice tested Victor Valdes in the opening ten minutes of the half, with the goalkeeper doing particularly well to hold onto the second effort after it took a late deflection off Almeida.

But Barcelona gave a reminder of their danger on the hour mark, as Ronaldinho released Gudjohnsen with another perfectly weighted ball in behind the defence. This time though, the former Chelsea man was guilty of hesitancy, as he allowed Naldo enough time to get back and charge down the shot.

The tempo of the game fell away a little as Barcelona sat further back to protect their lead, though failed to keep tabs on the lively Klose.

The German Player of the Year sprinted in behind the defence with 10 minutes to go, but none of his team-mates went with him, and his pull-back rolled into an empty penalty area before the Azulgrana scrambled it clear.

Bremen threw everything at their opponents as the clock wore down, though Rafael Marquez and Puyol stood firm for the champions, who will now go into the pot for the draw for the last 16.

Sex

2006-12-05T02:44:03+01:00

It's almost 8:00 Pm and he fall asleep about an hour an a half ago, the bed is in the middle of the studio now, not in the corner by the window, he moved it for a shoot yesterday and I said "I wonder what it would be like to sleep here, instead of where the bed usually is" and so we gave it a shot, sleeping farther away from the windows and closer to the wall with the building's stairway on the other side. waking up, the windows straight in front of me was showing a beautiful sunrise, and then I fall asleep again.I'm tired, it's been a long busy weekend, between an exhibition that both me and him had a piece in, a long talk with friends, a dinner with his parents, going sketching and a shoot, between too much restaurant food and too much drinking, between a lot of talking about the past, maybe in order not to think about the future - I feel bloated, sick, unclear. I know the apartment feels suffocated and stale, the windows are all closed and he's been smoking a lot in the past few days. It hit me when I get back from being outside, but then, the small and that lack of oxygen disappear in the face of warmth familiarity. It's Saturday and it's the end of the night, we stayed up all night working on the website, struggling with the computer program that is new to both of us, enjoying the sense of discovery every time we manage to make something work. And even though I can already see all the faulted, all the bad design, all the places we sort of messed up and patched something to make it work somehow - I was still so delighted and feeling so accomplished just by making a simple link work. At around 7:00, as the sun was finally coming out and the sky - so beautiful in light pale blues and pinks started to clear of the clouds, we brushed our teeth and went to bed. I'm already under the blankets and he's walking around flossing his teeth. And I think to myself "It's fucking 7:30 in the morning, why does he have to floss now" and as I'm thinking in I realize I'm upset, and it's hard for me to believe that I'm upset about dental hygiene .It's a small pang in my heart, the kind that I try to shake off cause if I keep listening to those doubts and fears in my heart, I would never do anything or have any friends. And I'm thinking of how easy it was to talk to him about everything in the world while I was in Israel and how this pang, this fear that's been boiling through most of last week had been nesting there for a while now and how I should say something, but how I don't want to and how I might just make thins worst. He comes into bed with me and we clutch to each other's body to shake the chills and warm that safe space under the blanket. He tells me he loves me and looks at me and tell me I look sad. And I think again of how hard it is to talk about those kind of things, even with him, and maybe. right now especially with him. And I say "I'm afraid you are not attracted to me anymore" and it doesn't come the way that I wanted it, I did not want this to come from the place of my insecurity, but still maybe it's more honest then I intended it to be, or maybe it's a manipulation a safe opening line to a conversation, and maybe it's both. He say "why do you feel like that?" and I gulp and say "Cause we having had sex in over a week and I'm scared that you don't want me anymore"As I say it I think that it's not even just the lack of sex, that all those things he used to do, kiss me real hard in the middle of the street, reach with his hand between my legs as I was going up the stairs in front of him. Just the way that he usually touch me was gone and how much I missed it, how much I missed him. and he say how he still think I'm the most beautiful and sexy woman for him, and how he's been having a rough time lately and I say that i know that and that he should take his time with his feeling and that I don't want to put him on a stop watch, but that I miss him so much and that I'm so scared.I'm scared of our love changing into that passionless friendship so many married people talk about blissfully, as if passion was the thing getting in their way of friendship. And I'm thinking of my ex, and how he would sink into computer programs and meditation to avoid me and what the hell's wrong with me - hooking up with really sexual people and just killing that in them somehow. And I know it's not so bad and that it's been a difficult week for him and that he's also went back to smoking and we both were living in this hazy half self destructive place - drinking and not sleeping regular hours, giving up on Yoga and not eating properly. "so drive me out out to that open field turn the ignition off and spin around your help is here but I'm parked in this open space i am overcome i am overcome holy water in my lungs i am overcome"- Live, OvercomeI know it'll go away, but fuck I miss him, fuck I miss his body, no, it's not even that, not that longing, I remember missing his body, and it feels differently, I miss his passion, I miss feeling as much as he wants me, the kind of want that crossed oceans and continent, the closeness that comes from will, from pure intention. I miss not feeling so lost cause that passion, surrounding me gave me a sense of purpose, pushing me to be more of myself, sexy, wild, crazy. I feel like something was taken away now, like he pulled off that warm blanket that was covering me, and now I'm cold and alone.I love being here with him, I love this past week, working together on the computer, going to ride on the bike sleeping too much, too late and waking up with a headache from having too many bad dreams at night. I don't know why every time I'm getting homesick or feel as if I need something more then what he's giving me, I feel I need to apologize or remind him and myself how much I like it here. I don't know why the only time I let myself get so homesick I cry and cry is when I'm drunk and when I'm sober I don't feel I miss home at all. I don't know what's going to happened now, I feel so fragile, hanging between heaven and earth, not quite Israeli and not quite a New Yorker. Being here for over 4 months now and have nothing to myself but a man I'm so deeply in love with I don't really want to look for a job or meet friends just cause being apart for a couple of hours or a day is too painful.The next day, after breakfast and a long talk with a Friend and drinking some absinth and a couple of beers, another meal and a photo shoot. We are finally alone again, together. And we are standing at the computer looking at the photo and he touch me and we kiss and we start making out, hard, painfully almost. he grab my throat and rub my pussy through my jeans and we go to bed, and my fingers, my mouth so hungry for him, I scratch and bite and pinch real hard. We are pushing into each other, not even taking our cloths of "I love it when you touch me" he say "I love it when you pinch my nipples" he say, and we move faster, hungry, eager. And I think of how long it's been since we talked to one another while fucking and how after months of online sex that was made of mostly words, we both seemed to be fed up with that, but how wonderful it was, to hear his voice, husky, full of lust, in my ear.And he cum, without even taking his pants off just rubbing against my crotch. and we both lay down holding each other, and I cry, cause I missed him and cause I'm still horny and scared it'll be over a week before we fuck again and cause I'm so scared to go back to the way things were with my ex, degraded for wanting him, left with bread crumbs of physical touch to replace passion and need and attraction. I hate writing this, I hate thinking about it, I'm scared that by doing so I will only make things worst. I hate not knowing what's going to happened.I hate the fact that this morning, while he was in the bathroom, I was jerking off thinking about him. That my fucking sexual fantasy is just being fucking wanted.

My Topless gig on radio Kerrang!

2006-11-06T17:02:10+01:00

Yesterday was just as mental as possible. I left my Chelsea apartment at 3pm and headed up to Borehamwood to meet with John my manager who would be driving me to Birmingham for my gig there at 9pm.

As soon as I got off the train at Kings Cross I saw the message posted on the wall explaining that the train I wanted had been cancelled and I had to go through Kentish Town instead. So I dragged my tired arse up to Kentish Town, came out of the station and was crushed by around 8 million drunk pissed antipodeans who were mostly all wearing a sweater that said “Church”.

That confused as me as what Sunday Church serves that amount of alcohol? A turn out Church was a club! Silly old me.

I managed to get to the right platform to get the train up to Borehamwood and came upon a very young boy, spectacles hanging off his faces, wearing a Railway uniform, cheap tie askew shouting through a megaphone some mumbled words as hundreds of people jostled and shoved him around trying to find out where the replacement train was.

A big baldy headed man dragging a giant awkward Alsatian on a thick chain ran towards the young befuddled train boy. The dogs nails were skidding and its legs scattering all over the concrete walkway, its tongue hanging out and breathing madly – it managed to mount the young man’s leg as he tried to cope with multitude of frustrated commuters. The place was chaos.

I gave up and called John to come collect me from Kentish town and drive straight to Birmingham from there. We hit the road at 5pm and even before we got to Milton Keynes the traffic had slowed to a complete standstill. The dark skies were full of magnificent fireworks bursting over the beautiful red slashed sunset that fell over London. Still the cars never moved.

I started to panic, time was ticking, and we were doing 3 miles an hour for over two hours. I was due on stage at 9pm and it was now 8.50pm. We could not work out why the traffic was so slow then we came upon four huge lorries lying on their side, windows smashed, glass everywhere mixed with blood on the dented windscreen and suddenly my anxiousness to get to the gig was replaced with utter horror at the gnarled machines that had crashed on that road ahead of us. It really did put my petty stress at being late into perspective!

The gig was really cool, a lovely gay gig at the Nightingale bar. The audience were such good people and had waited patiently for me to arrive. I appreciate that.

After the gig I was off to be a guest at Kerrang! Radio, live in the studio, Tim Shaw is an amazing shock jock, yet he handled the interview about my past life and my comedy with amazing sensitivity and asked me outright questions no other live radio presenter had dared…..and whilst we were discussing child abuse, my mothers murder..Etc….the two glamour girls in the studio stripped naked! It was so very funny.

I was sitting with naked girls and having the best laugh ever.

Then Tim and I decided to tell the audience that I was going to go topless…I called husband live and asked him what he thought of my tit shot on radio and he just hung up laughing (he was annoyed that I even needed his opinion on this! If I wanna strip for another man then that’s my prerogative!)

Anyway Tim set it up for the listeners and I pretended to get my baps out…of course I didn’t it was a joke….but my brother was listening in back in Scotland and called me this morning horrified that I had got my boobs out on radio!

My daughter Ashley is mortified yet again, she loves Kerrang! And can’t believe I spoke about my breasts and even suggested getting them out with her fav DJ.

I am never going to grow old gracefully am I?

Criminal Conversation

2006-11-03T18:10:00+01:00

Little drops of sweat glisten on your body

as you lay there sound asleep

I curl up beside you

and watch your chest fall and rise

like the rolling sea

Laying there so peacefully and satisfied

away from prying eyes

and our lives outside

I know this is where I belong

But we have only one more hour

before it's time to go back home

Veil is Women's Freedom

2006-10-24T08:05:00+02:00

Life is very simple but it is we who have complicated it with all the corruption in the minds and with the diseases of jealousy, hatred, pride, arrogance in our hearts. Same is the case with the issue of veil. Is this matter not as simple as choosing to wear a suit and cover your legs instead of exposing them by wearing a mini skirt? If a women wishes to cover her body and face from the X-ray eyes of other men, what wrong is she doing? She is not bringing loss to anyone. We all have the fundamental right to protection and she is making use of the same.A veil is a protection for any women who desire to be modest, well mannered and saved from evil eyes. It is not just a piece of cloth which covers her body from head to toe but a clear message to the men around that this is the boundary which they cannot trespass. Signaling that she is not interested in any vain talk and opposes any immoral proceedings. Any verbal communication with men is short, firm and to the point, as she should not become the source of any temptations arising in the hearts of men.When communicating with children, a woman can of course lift her veil so that she can teach them properly as in this situation her facial expressions may be important depending on the subject. A veil is not a confinement but a freedom for women. When covered in an abaya, women can move freely without worrying about others looking at her curves, as there is nothing to see except the loose long black dress. Women can be very modest, properly covered and well mannered even without wearing an abaya, but what is the remedy for the temptations arising in the hearts of many men when they see a beautiful figure in charming colors and a glowing face. Does she not become the source for a big problem, which has started in a small way with no fault on her side? Islam is a religion with deeper wisdom than what we can perceive. By asking the women to cover herself, Islam eliminates the source of the problem and rewards her with blessings for killing her natural desire to showcase her beauty.I am sure no decent man would ever tolerate another man staring at his beautiful wife. God did not create the feeling of jealousy and possessiveness in his heart without reason. A woman has great responsibility in this society, as she is the one who closely grooms the future of the world. Competing with men is not success for her. Her success lies in molding the future with her soft and firm hands, a task which man is not privileged to accomplish. What respect can she command if she throws away her own Nobel Prize and strives to steal away somebody else’s prize. She is the one who has to teach the children to stay away from nudity and illegal sex as it corrupts minds & hearts of complete societies. To stay away from homosexuality as it is against human nature and even animals refrain from it. Is man worse than an animal? If she understands human behavior and works intelligently towards uprooting the evils right from the source then she will bring to the whole mankind the gift of peace and happiness, which all the riches of the world put together, also cannot buy. Only a fool can say that a veil is a danger for the society of Britain? In fact this is the best way to curb the immoral activities in the society, which occur due to lack of a value system. Free mingling of the sexes creates a fertile ground for the growth of passionate desires, which ends up in rape, out of marriage sex, homosexuality and even murder.I have failed to understand why the Britain’s open society will stop being so if the women folk expose less of their skin in public. Is openness linked in any manner to the exposure of the fair skin for the feast of the men’s eyes or openness has a better meaning. I am sure that for Europeans the word ‘openness’ does not mean kissing another’s wife. Is openness not the free flow of constructive, beneficial and intelligent ideas across people and societies? It is highly stupid to think that the veil closes the doors of progress and prosperity for the people. It will in fact lead to a better utilization of resources, which are today going down the drain in the name of satisfying man’s sexual hunger.

‘Ronaldinho’s also human’

2006-10-06T19:49:02+02:00

‘Ronaldinho’s also human’

Madrid: Barcelona coach Frank Rijkaard has defended playmaker Ronaldinho from criticism that he is not reproducing the kind of form that earned him the World Player of the Year title.

“It is okay to criticise the team because they have shown they can do better but it is too much to only talk about Ronaldinho,” Rijkaard told radio Catalunya. “He is a fundamental player for us but he isn’t a robot. Sometimes we forget he is human.”

The Brazilian international failed to live up to expectations at the World Cup finals in Germany and has struggled to inspire the European and Spanish champions in their relatively sluggish start to the season.

Cup Effect?

Barca are top of the Primera Liga but some laboured performances have raised questions about the form of the team and Ronaldinho in particular.

“What happened in the World Cup hasn’t affected him. He had the right attitude but his team mates just didn’t connect with him,” Rijkaard said. “But it is another thing to talk about the pre-season. Because of contractual obligations he had to play every game and this catches up with you in the end.

“We have seen a drop in his performances but we aren’t worried. We are managing it and he is doing what he can for the team which is the most important thing.”

Both Rijkaard and defender Rafael Marquez have pinpointed the club’s two-week promotional tour of Mexico and the US as a major disruption to Barca’s preparations for the season.

In a separate interview Ronaldinho, who has a history of slow starts, backed Rijkaard’s assessment of his state of form. “I start every season the same. I’m getting into it.”

source :http://www.mumbaimirror.com/

What Women Read

2006-10-01T19:14:13+02:00

What Women Read says:

Sharon Marie Bidwell's Rose Light is an erotic, historical, romance retelling a classic story in a unique and exciting way.

Here's the blurb:

For Rose Light the simple act of placing a flower upon her mother’s grave will lead to a most fortuitous event. Life looks dismal and Rose has no prospects, not until she meets John Bennett.

When they met, she chastised him, was down right rude. So why has he tracked her down to the poverty-stricken area of Cheapside ? Why does this man think he has found just the right woman and believes all she needs is the right stimulation to make her bloom?

Take one wicked stepmother and two older, conniving sisters, and you may think you’ve heard this tale before. You haven’t -- not this way. Let Rose Light tell you her story.

Looking for a sexy romance novella to spice up your week? Check out Aspen Mountain Press for Rose Light and other romance novels.

erotic, romance novel, historical erotic, romance novel, historical

You can read the excerpt of Rose Light here.

Domenech wants two refs

2006-09-26T17:00:17+02:00

France boss Raymond Domenech says he would like to see two referees on the pitch for games in Ligue 1.Officials in Ligue 1 have been told to clamp down this season on shirt tugging and impeding contact in the penalty area, but Domenech is far from happy about this new directive believing that it hinders the flow of the game and could lead to some crazy scenarios. Speaking to the French Football Federation's official website, he revealed: "I'm in favour of two referees on the pitch and more co-ordination between them and the assistant referees. "There is the rule and there is the spirit of the game. If the referees apply the rule strictly, we're going to have 50 penalties per game."

Domenech believes the English game flows much better and advocates that French referees should follow the lead of their English counterparts.

He continued: "I'm not saying the games in England are better, but at least there is always something happening because play is not being stopped all the time."

"There is the rule and there is the spirit of the game. If the referees apply the rule strictly, we're going to have 50 penalties per game."

Domenech believes the English game flows much better and advocates that French referees should follow the lead of their English counterparts.

He continued: "I'm not saying the games in England are better, but at least there is always something happening because play is not being stopped all the time."

source: http://www.clubcall.com

Fucking Mamas

2006-09-24T11:35:00+02:00

Besides cute & decent looking schoolgirls who wear short school uniforms, there is also one group of ladies that I always fantasize about having sex with. They are sexy matured ladies usually in their late 40s or early 50s with great bodies that makes heads turn. Either they are already moms to their own kids or singles who lives alone. Whenever I came into contact with these ladies, my thoughts would run wild. I would think of having sex with them as I masturbate. One of my fantasizing dreams about these sexy matured ladies is this; I dream that I’m working for a company that provides ‘personal services’ to individuals who are too busy to do their daily errands. One day, I’m appointed to provide ‘personal services’ to this lady. She flies to other countries very often. Often once away, it will be at least 2 months. Because of this, she engages my company to carry out some of her errands when she’s away. Let’s call her Fanny. When I first met her, I was attracted to her good complexion and nice figure. She is 48 years of age. She speaks sexily with low tone voice. She never stops smiling when we talk. After that day, sorting out what she wanted me to do when she went overseas, I kept thinking of this sexy lady. How I wish I could be able to fuck her. 3 months later, while I’m checking my customers’ follow-up list, I noticed Fanny is back from overseas after my 1st service for her. Then I decided to call her, to check if she wants any help from our company again. Good grief she wants me to help her do some errands for her. Quickly, I fixed an appointment with her at her home. This time, she wants me to help her deliver her car to the workshop for maintenances. I helped her did that and it’s almost night time when I drive her car back to her home. I was outside her house and I called her. Moments later, Fanny came to the door. She then opens the gate to let me drive in. After I passed her the car key, signed the necessary documents, she invites me into her house for a drink, wanting to thank me for my help. I obliged quickly. In her house, we had coffee and chatted on the sofa. Later I came to know that she is working for a MNC company as a secretary and that’s why she travels a lot. I asked is her work tiring. She says sometimes she felt tired. Sometimes she just wants to quit. It’s because of her work that she didn’t have time for leisure. Because of this, she isn’t married. Then she asks if I’m married. I told her I’m not married. She then smile and said “Why not? Better marry early. Don’t wait till you’re old.” “Look at me; I’m too old for marriage now.” She continued. I replied her with a laugh “Old? You are not old to me.” “Oh, don’t you know how old I am? I can be your mama.” She said smiling. “Yes, you might be able to be my mama but you are still so pretty. You have great nice body.” I said. “So you like mama, you like me aha?” she asked bitchily. Now, my cock starts to erect. “Yeh, you’re sexy to me.” I replied. Fanny just kept quiet and I think she notices my erected cock under my pants, she kept looking at it and then she leaned forward and said softly with a smile “You are naughty.” Then she got up and off she went into the kitchen to wash our drinking cups. I followed her. In the kitchen, while she was washing the cups, I asked Fanny from behind her. “What do you mean I’m naughty?” She looked back at me then looking down to my cock; she said bitchily “You have to control yourself.” By this time, I know what she meant. Then I decided to do it. I slowly place my hands onto her hips and move forward my erected cock under my pants to her butt. I then said softly to her right ear “How can I control myself mama? How can I resist such a pretty mama? Mama, why don’t help this naughty boy?” I then continue to kiss her neck lightly. I rubbed my cock against her butt hard. Fanny started to lean her neck back, resting on my left shoulder, with her eyes closed. At the same time, she slides her right hand into my pants and grabs my huge cock tightly. “Mama, you like naughty young man and you’re a slut” I said. She opened her eyes and looked hard at me saying “Don’t call me that. I’m not a slut.” The way she says it so bitchily. I couldn’t help anymore. I turned her around, facing me. Then I lifted her long skirt, pulled her panties down, I went under, began to kiss and suck her pussy. She screams loudly and her knees began to weaken. In no time, she came, she wet my whole face. Then I turned her around with her butt facing me, I started to finger her. She holds the water tap with both her hands tightly and her upper body resting on the washing basin. She screams louder and louder. “You’re a slut mama. You’re wet. Tell me, you’re horny and you want to be fucked.” I shouted to her as I fingered her deep. Finally, she said breathlessly “Oh……..yes, I’m…. I’m a slut…….fuck me young man………” “Louder and say please mama.” I continued. “Please………please……..I’m horny……..please fuck mama!” I then shaft my cock into her wet pussy. She screams like she’s dying. I fuck her fast and furious. She has a tight pussy. I came in just a couple of minutes. When I pull out my wet cock, Fanny’s knees are all weaken and she dropped onto the kitchen floor. In a doggy styled position. I then squad down in front of her, grab the back of her hair, make her suck my cock. “Mama, suck my cock.” I said. She moans as she sucks. I came inside her mouth. She swallows every bit of my load. I then dropped on my butt, with Fanny still sucking my cock away in between my legs. She then stops and said softly with a smile “You’re a nice boy, mama loves you.” I then replied, “I’m glad you’re a bitch. I told you, you’re a slut.” “Hmm….yes, I’m a slut. Thank you for fucking me, the sluttish old mama.” We both then laugh out loudly……………

AC Milan strengthen ties with Ronaldinho's brother

2006-09-23T13:09:04+02:00

tribalfooball.com - September 22, 2006

AC Milan directors are strengthening their relationship with Roberto de Assis, the agent and brother of Barcelona star Ronaldinho.

Assis is again in Milan this week to meet with club directors, having negotiated Ricardo Oliveira's arrival from Real Betis last month.

Gazzetta dello Sport says, however, Assis isn't in Milan on business for Oliveira - nor Ronaldinho.

But the strengthening of ties between the agent and Milan has led to speculation of an end-of-season move to the San Siro for Ronaldinho, particularly if Lionel Messi shows he can emerge from his teammate's shadow in the coming months.

For all the talk of a bumper new contract for Ronaldinho, Barca sports chief Txiki Begiristain insisted this week that nothing had been discussed.

Karl Malone Accused Of Bribery, Intimidation

2006-09-13T22:50:52+02:00

Former Utah Jazz forward Karl Malone.

BOISE, Idaho -- Former Utah Jazz forward Karl Malone is accused in a lawsuit of offering a former business partner in eastern Idaho a $25,000 bribe to take the blame for an illegal elk hunting trip.

The suit was filed by Sidney Ray Davis, of Soda Springs.

Davis also alleges that Malone's brother-in-law threatened violence if Davis didn't make an investigation into the trip go away

Malone's lawyer said the two-time NBA most valuable player adamantly denies any bribery or intimidation.

On Aug. 21, Malone's attorneys filed a motion to dismiss the case in Idaho's 6th District court.

A ruling is expected later this month.

The allegations stem from an investigation into a 1998 hunting trip Malone took with Davis, who was a licensed outfitter at the time.

Davis did not have an elk tag for Malone.

Malone was interviewed by Fish and Game officials, but never charged in the case.

http://www.local6.com/sports/9835092/detail.html

Barkley, Wilkins, Dumars enter Hall of Fame

2006-09-10T13:41:05+02:00

Barkley and Dumars

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (AP) - Charles Barkley played the comedian Friday during his induction into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

But, behind the scenes, he also sounded a lot like a role model.

He drew laughs by thanking his financial adviser for protecting his money, but threw in a little advice for today's players.

"I tell all these young kids, the money you make, save it, put it in the bank. That money has to last you the rest of your lifetime, don't waste it," he said.

At the pre-induction news conference, he also took those players to task for a selfish style, and pointed to his own highlight films for those looking for an example of how the game should be played.

"I always tried as hard as I possibly could," Barkley said. "I like seeing that on tape. Today, they want to be stars. They don't want to be great players. We wanted to be great players."

Barkley averaged 22 points and almost 12 rebounds in 16 NBA seasons that included stops in Philadelphia, Phoenix and Houston. But it was his charismatic personality and outspoken style that made him a superstar.

He put that style on display Friday night, with one liners about not finishing his college education and being arrested several times.

"I was always acquitted," he said.

But there was a message behind the humour.

He made headlines in a 1993 Nike television spot, when he solemnly warned the audience, "I am not a role model. . . parents should be role models."

He said Friday that he was proud he started that conversation, and believes he is supposed to do great things with the fame that basketball has given him.

"Basketball is really important and significant in my life, but it's the least important thing," he said. "When I was able to give a million dollars to buy houses for the (hurricane Katrina) evacuees, that was more important to me than anything I ever accomplished on the basketball court."

Barkley was enshrined with two other NBA greats, Dominique Wilkins and Joe Dumars, former Big East commissioner Dave Gavitt, Connecticut women's coach Geno Auriemma and Italian coach Sandro Gamba.

Barkley, Auriemma and Gavitt were first-ballot selections.

Dumars was the good guy on the Bad Boys, the Detroit Pistons teams in 1989 and 1990 that won championships, and also included more high-profile stars, such as Hall of Famer Isiah Thomas, Bill Laimbeer and Dennis Rodman.

"I wasn't concerned about the marquee board," said Dumars, who played his entire 14-year career in Detroit. "That's never mattered to me and I gladly let others step forward and do that. If there was a championship that year, then my whole focus was just that."

Like Barkley, Wilkins never won a championship. But he was a nine-time NBA all-star and a two-time NBA Slam Dunk champion known as "the Human Highlight Film" for his above-the-rim acrobatics.

"At a time when our league was being elevated, he was iconic for what he could do with the basketball," said NBA commissioner David Stern.

Wilkins said he wants to be remembered for being a complete player.

"Dunking was just a small part of my game," he said. "Dunking was just an intimidating tool I used. I had a much more rounded game than just dunking. To get 26,000 points, you don't get them all on dunks."

Gamba began playing basketball to rehabilitate hands injured when he was hit by machine gun fire as a 12-year-old boy during the Second World War.

He coached European basketball for more than three decades, including four consecutive Italian Olympic teams from 1980-92. His team won a silver medal at the 1980 Moscow Olympics and gold at the 1983 European Championships.

Auriemma already has five national championship trophies at Connecticut and is closing in on winning his 600th career game next season. He joins UConn men's coach Jim Calhoun in the Hall of Fame.

On Friday, Auriemma said all Big East coaches owe their careers to Gavitt, who helped form the league in 1979 and served as its first commissioner.

Gavitt also was president of USA Basketball and is credited with putting together the original 1992 Dream Team that won the gold medal in Barcelona, a team that featured Barkley, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan and Larry Bird.

"Barkley was the best player on that team," Gavitt said.

One of the night's most emotional moments came when Gavitt was escorted on stage by Hall of Fame coaches Calhoun, John Thompson, Lou Carnesecca and Jim Boeheim.

Gavitt used his speech to urge everyone in basketball to do more to ensure that players who do not make it to the NBA are given opportunities to continue their education and succeed in life.

"There are too many bodies beside the side of the road," he said.

http://www.tsn.ca/nba/news_story/?ID=176859&hubname=nba

Don't you worry about the distance.

2006-09-09T06:05:00+02:00

Boy oh boy. I'm so tired. The week has definitely worn me out and I'm just about to pass out. Not really. Anyway..we were supposed to have a game tonight, but it got called because of a really had lightning storm that started about 5 or 6 minutes into the 1st quarter.I guess not much has been happening in my life other than color guard. To a certain extent, I really love it because it's so fun, the people are so funny, and I love what we do. But on the other hand, I don't have much time to think about or do anything else. In that sense, I really do hate it. I wish there were things I had more time to think about. Like Lennon. He was telling me today about how he's pretty sure he's ready to have sex. I don't know. I just haven't thought about it much...which pretty much ensures me that I'll be thinking about it tonight.. But honestly, it's a thought that's really been so far from my mind that even if I had the time to think about it, I probably wouldn't have. I just never thought I'd be having sex during my freshman year at high school. And quite frankly, I don't think I will be. I know Lennon wants to, but honestly...it's just something I'm not completely comfortable with--and this is including the fact that I love him, and I feel like I can be myself with him no matter what. But honestly, to bring up that dark deep secret from before, I just don't want to show him that part of me. I mean I'm sure that if we were to have sex, it's not like my secret would be obvious or anything, but it's just something I don't really want to risk. And once it's over, it's over. I can't take back my virginity. It isn't really the same with a guy. I mean I guess to a certain extent, it may be, but not really. I wish there was some sort of way of knowing for sure if I was ready. And I don't want to just end this entry saying that I have a lot of thinking to do, because every time I say that, I never end up thinking at all or as much as I thought I would be. I guess I'm just scared of the whole idea. It's kind of weird to think that I'm thinking about having sex. During the summer of 7th grade, my first kiss was a big deal. And now...barely over a year later, the thought of having sex may be a reality and being on the verge of the decision is the scariest thought of them all. I hate it. Honestly... I just want to know if I should do it or not. For now, though, I'll end this entry with the note of: Kristina will continue this later. Now...she is too tired to function properly.

Lizzie T Leaf

2006-09-04T04:30:00+02:00

Romance Reader over at Blogstream has a post about my friend Lizzie T Leaf, a romance writer for several houses and soon at Aspen Mountain Press.

Here's an excerpt of her book Studly Service, Lizzie's first e-pub release with Erotique Press.

"Unbelievable." Rissa took in the mob scene of hard bodied males and sexy females cavorting around the pool, all scantily clad.

The travel agent really screwed up when she pitched this trip, somehow missing the fact that this all-inclusive resort catered to the Spring Break college crowd this time of year.

Finally, she found a couple of empty chairs in a far corner. Planting her butt on one, the hot plastic seared through the fabric of her swimsuit. Jumping up quickly she fished her towel out of the bag and spread it over the lounge chair webbing. Slathered with sunscreen, she settled in to read the erotic romance she'd bought just for this trip.

"Great place, huh?"

Shielding her eyes from the sun, Rissa looked up find one of the luscious hard bodied males standing above her. She could sound like his mother and say 'not hardly', but she had reached a scene in the book that had left her feeling a little heated and what the hell, why not go with the flow and see where it took her. "Sure is."

Her new friend took a seat on the lounge chair beside her, not seeming to find it as uncomfortable as she had.

"Been here long?"

His gaze was locked on her chest, where she had to admit her cups came close to overflowing. Should she ask him to talk to the face not the boobs? "Just got in today. How about you?"

He licked his lips, not bothering to look up. Bet he could pick her out of a lineup if they covered her face and told him to focus on the mammary glands.

"Been here a couple of days. Ahhh ... I ... hmmm." Blue eyes darted a quick glance at her face. "My name's John." The stare had already returned to his favorite part of her anatomy and the lust in his eyes seemed to take away the ability to speak.

"Maybe I should put on my wrap."

"Huh?"

Reaching for the sarong tossed across her beach bag, Rissa stood and wrapped it around her body, tying it above the scanty bikini top and let it drape over the rest of her. "You seemed to have a little trouble talking when you're so focused on my chest. Maybe if you tried to look at my eyes, you might be more successful in conversation."

"You're funny." He did force his eyes to meet hers.

Okay, so she was funny. That was a good thing, right? "Thank you. I'm Rissa."

She watched him shrug wide shoulders and grin. "Rissa. I like that. You remind me of someone I know. Not the name of course."

Of course, but hey, if she reminded him of a hot college girl, then maybe she wouldn't have to spend so much time alone. Lord knows, he didn't have to be a brilliant conversationalist to meet the needs of what she had in mind. She smiled her most provocative smile. "Thank you, again."

"Yeah, you remind me of my mother. She's got a sense of humor like you."

His mother! Since when did thirty-five qualify her to have a twenty something son. Maybe it was physically possible if she'd started young, but good grief ... his mother. How could he even go there the way he stared at her boobs before she covered them up? Little shit. Time for her to dump this stud since she couldn't be sure now if she should burp him or screw him.

She reached for her bag and stuffed her book in. "You know, I'm getting a little over heated here. Think I'll go back to my room." Thanks to his remarks, her hot now came totally from the sun. He managed with one comment to douse the heat created from her earlier reading.

The blue eyes clouded with what she thought might be disappointment. "Well, okay." He stood and grinned at her. "Hey, we'll both be around a few more days. Maybe I'll see you again."

Lizzie T Leaf hangs out in the romance writer chats at Realms of Love.

NCAA, NBA could team on amateur reform

2006-08-30T00:02:29+02:00

Mark Humphrey / AP file

NCAA President Myles Brand aims to improve the "pre-college environment" for basketball players.

By Eric Prisbell

Updated: 11:27 p.m. ET Aug. 28, 2006

NCAA President Myles Brand left open the possibility yesterday that college sports' governing body for the first time is willing to work with both the NBA and shoe companies to improve amateur basketball, which has come under increasing criticism this year.

In remarks made at Hampton University, Brand said, "Maybe working together with the NBA and lots of others -- USA Basketball, the [Amateur Athletic Union], the National Federation of High Schools -- and including key elements such as the shoe companies working all together, is there something we can do to help improve that pre-collegiate environment?"

Many high school and college coaches have long called for representatives from all levels of the basketball world to move toward reforming amateur basketball, which critics say exposes teenagers to many tempting outside influences while doing little to prepare them for life outside of athletics. Comments by Brand and NBA Commissioner David Stern, who this year said the NBA would consider becoming involved in helping secondary schools to better prepare their athletes academically, are seen by some basketball sources as a significant move in the right direction.

Ronaldinho not worried about Chelsea ties

2006-08-25T23:42:02+02:00

Ronaldinho insists he does not fear Chelsea Football Club.

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The Londoners have been drawn with Barcelona for the third successive season in the UEFA Champions League, yet despite the additions of Michael Ballack and Andrei Shevchenko, Ronaldinho is not losing any sleep.

"We know all about how good Chelsea's signings are," said Barca’s brilliant Brazilian.

"They have an impressive squad and their summer signings can't fail to improve them. But I believe we don't have to worry about the others. There is no such thing as an unstoppable team."

Smoke

2006-08-18T03:30:22+02:00

It wasn't something in specific it wasn't a touch in a different place or a more passionate kiss, just this subtle shift, almost unnoticeable, like this sliver shade of color, an invisible rainbow, that can be seen when light break through the window, or some bitter aftertaste that makes the sweet even more sweet then it was a moment ago, but I just knew that he's going to touch me in a different way that night. As we were coming back from dinner with a friend and his hand was holding mine and he kissed me , I already felt the buds of something else, something new.I don't know if he had it planed already, or if it was just something in the way that he held himself that changed, that made me excited and wet and a little scared as we walked up the stairs and opened the door to the apartment, I don't know what I was expecting exactly, we set on the bad and talked about the conversation we just had in the restaurant, about photography and things that went on today. He wanted to show me a book by some artist, but couldn't find it, I suggested we look the artist up on the computer, we were standing in front of the screen trying to find some of his pictures. He stood behind me, his belly against my back, my ass against his cock. It wasn't even sexual, or maybe the main thing about what I felt wasn't sexual. I wanted to have sex with him, but it all had a darker tint to it, this feeling of being swiped of my feet. He pushed me forward into the edge of the tall desk, The air knocked off mt breaths as the edge of the desk pressed against my belly, I was afraid that he's going to stop, I don't know why, it was sex, but it wasn't sex yet, and the way his body felt against my back, against my ass and thighs I felt like if he'll back away now, I'll just fall to the ground, I wouldn't have the strength to hold myself standing, he took a pair of scissors that was on the desk and pushed the edge of it into my bellybutton, it wasn't sharp it didn't cut me but knowing that something that can be dangerous was penetration me like that, it was scary.He pushed me farther into the desk, I started breathing fast, faster.Then he moved back and I felt dizzy, he took my hand I almost fall, he pushed me down. I felt tied up, I felt bounded even though there was no ropes involved, I didn't want to move or do a thing, I just wanted to react to his touch, his smell, the taste of his sweat was already in my mouth, salty. He adjusted my posture on the bed, putting the pillows under my neck, I wanted to look and I didn't want to look. He reached for the window ledge and took a strap of leather that we got a long time ago, when i was here in December, he lifted my Tshirt and slapped my better with it, the strap landed with that leather on skin sound, high pitch slap, I scream, more out of fear then out of pain, the next one, slightly more painful, I don't scream, I don't want him to stop. It's not even that physical sensation of the pain right now - it's the fact that he can do that to my body, that my arms will stay laid down on the mattress and not push him and the pain away, cause I trust him, cause I want him to do this to me.My face are focused on the ceiling and I feel him press something cold and metallic against my nipples , then pushes in down my pants, something hard. It does not rub against my cunt, but just feeling something heavy and cold next to my skin, makes me push my pelvic forward, makes me want to get him to touch me there. He rub his hand against my armpit, I swatted so much today, and he put his hand under my nose for me to smell myself, I feel dirty, unclean, aroused. The he gets up, my eyes want to follow him see what he's doing, I want to say "Don't go" but I don't. He can just go while I'm so engage to the moment so into the body sensations I can't even get up. I feel exposed, naked, even though I'm still dressed. He walks back to the computer desk, for one horrible moment I think "what if he just sits down to work and forget about me?, would I just stay in bed and wait for him, wanting his touch so much I feel bound? how long will I stay that way? I really don't know" I hear him pick up something from the desk and walk back to the bed. he sits nest to me, look at me, his eyes look amused, distance, inspecting. He lights a cigarette, and blow the smoke into the air, he bring the lighter close to my breast, it's not searing hot, but it's still warm, the fear is bigger hen the burn feeling as he touch the tip of my nipple with it. I'm breathing fast, I'm scared, I don't know what he's going to do, but that look on his face, in his eyes makes me feel like he can do anything and more then that, that I will not object to anything right now. He takes another puff of his cigarette, and another one. Then almost without moving, he flicks the ashes on my belly, as it falls, I can feel it's warmth, but burning, but hot, just for a second before it cools down.A part of me is terrified, a part of my is disgusted, I don't like cigarettes, weird enough I don't mind the smell too much or the sight, I just don't like the whole thing, I don't like the way they feel, even the box, in my hand. A childhood memory crawl into my mind, going to the grocery store to buy a pack of cigarettes for my mother and holding it with just two fingers too disgusted to actually hold it in my whole hand, as if I can catch this bad habit just from touching the box. Another memory, a friend going into a store asking me to hold the cigarette for her till she gets out, and I do, and I hate it, I hate standing in the middle of the street and holding that cigarette, I don't want people to think I'm smoking it. I hold it till she comes out and hand it over right away, all shaken up and not quite knowing why.I almost feel disappointed from how much this turned me on, and I don't quite know why it effected me so much, he reach between my legs and play with my clit, I whimper, I don't want to admit to myself how ready I am to cum, how sexy and open what he just did made me, but it overcomes, that bog orgasm, that just washes through me in an uncontrollable whimpering wave. He doesn't stop, he puts his fingers into me, pressed down, till I can feel the walls of my vagina pushed down, till I can feel it through my ass. I cum again, he flicks the cigarette ashes on my belly again and again. I feel dirty. Then I feel him bending over me, I'm opening my eyes to look at him, and see him spit on my belly into my bellybutton. His Cigarette's almost done, he bring it down to my belly, I can feel a warmth from it, as he pushes it into the pull of spit in my bellybutton and I know it's not burning anymore, he brings his fingers to my nose so I can smell the ash and nicotine, I feel like throwing up, I feel so bad from being so turned on by it. I feel so many things, and then I just feel his hand rubbing against my clit, and everything else disappears.

Toronto Chinese Lantern Festival

2006-07-31T19:03:28+02:00

July 20 -- October 1, 2006For **DISCOUNT TICKETS**, go to: http://secure4.ontarioplace...============================== ======username: POWERONEpassword: ONTARIO============================== ======Get a discount of $17 on ticket purchases.This is a special offer for the Toronto Chinese Lantern Festival 2006.So what are you waiting for?GO PURCHASE YOUR TICKETS NOW! =)

The Eiffel Tower history

2006-07-23T16:57:06+02:00

HISTORY
The Eiffel Tower was built for the International Exhibition of Paris of 1889 commemorating the centenary of the French Revolution. The Prince of Wales, later King Edward VII of England, opened the tower. Of the 700 proposals submitted in a design competition, Gustave Eiffel's was unanimously chosen.

However it was not accepted by all at first, and a petition of 300 names - including those of Maupassant, Emile Zola, Charles Garnier (architect of the Opéra Garnier), and Dumas the Younger - protested its construction.

DESCRIPTION
At 300 metres (320.75m including antenna), and 7000 tons, it was the world's tallest building until 1930. Other statistics include: 2.5 million rivets. 300 steel workers, and 2 years (1887-1889) to construct it. Sway of at most 12 cm in high winds. Height varies up to 15 cm depending on temperature. 15,000 iron pieces (excluding rivets). 40 tons of paint. 1652 steps to the top.

It was almost torn down in 1909, but was saved because of its antenna - used for telegraphy at that time. Beginning in 1910 it became part of the International Time Service. French radio (since 1918), and French television (since 1957) have also made use of its stature.

During its lifetime, the Eiffel Tower has also witnessed a few strange scenes, including being scaled by a mountaineer in 1954, and parachuted off of in 1984 by two Englishmen. In 1923 a journalist rode a bicycle down from the first level. Some accounts say he rode down the stairs, other accounts suggest the exterior of one of the tower's four legs which slope outward.

The tower has three platforms. A restaurant (extremely expensive; reservations absolutely necessary), the Jules Verne is on the second platform. The top platform has a bar, souvenir shop, and the (recently restored) office of Gustave Eiffel.

What Women Want 3

2006-07-21T10:21:39+02:00

MISTAKE #3:Looking To Her For Approval Or PermissionIn our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".Another HORRIBLE idea.Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.Don't get me wrong here.You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...

Sixteen Ways To Propose Him or Her

2006-07-20T17:37:07+02:00

Just some funny ways to propose her/him ............ (at your own risk!!!) 1. (Walk up behind girl and point fingers shaped like gun into her back) "You're under arrest!" (Girl : For what?) "For stealing my heart." 2. Hi, my name is Chance, Do I have one? 3. Are your legs tired? ( girl: Why?) because you have been running through my mind all day! 4. "I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?" 5. Can you give me directions to your heart? I've seemed to have lost myself in your eyes 6. (Take a look at the tag on the girls shirt, jacket, She would say,"What are doing" respond, "Oh, just checking to see if you were made in Heaven." 7. (Pick up a flower and walk over to girl.) "I was just showing this flower how beautiful you are." 8. Is it hot in here or is it just you? 9. Walk up to a guy and say: "Are you from heaven?" "No" he answers. "Oh, I thought all the angels were from heaven" 10. I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips. 11. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together. 12. Are you lost? 'cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven. 13. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again? 14. What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle. 15. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes. 16. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.

Sex Encounter Viewers

2006-07-03T23:14:31+02:00

My Dear Viewers ! thanx for so much response.my next post will be available soon...... coz the real life story continues. i got comments like "pervert" and go Fxxx ourself and more.but that will not stop me for blogging about my ownself.my english writing to some ppl is comical. may be coz i am not from US or UK.my readers are bearing my bad english so thanx to them.i will not block the ppl to comment who are abusing me.they may continue.coz everyone has his own perception of life.so everyone is welcome to comment.whatsoever you like.infact comments are precious to me in a sense that i am learning a lot from them.love to all viewers.

Aquarium

2006-06-23T00:50:41+02:00

It's that kind of hyper awareness that comes with this heat, with living in this city that buzz like a beehive every time the weather pushes that degree and everything start to be alive, unwashed dishes that could have lay in the sink for days during the winter are bussing with flies and tiny white warms if I don't wash them in 24 hours time, the city's festering with life, with laughter, drugs and music and alcohol and art and life, just life.

I'm at the flee market area with 3 friends, the streets are packed with venders and artist, everyone looks either familiar or looking like someone I know, or met or seen in another place. Those type of art major graduate and graphic designer who just started their own T-shirt business, girls in interesting hair cuts and guys in heavy rim plastic glasses, vintage cloths and a bottle of local beer in their hand. The open market flows with the sound of music from a near by DJ stand and grinding noises from the screening of some video art and talk, but under that, like a swage, a whole current of energy, thought, creativity, floating in and out of people, a golden stream of awareness, of sexual attraction of flirtatious poses and cigarettes smoke.

I'm invited to a birthday party tomorrow, to an exhibition of a friend on Saturday and another one on Thursday which is also the Tel-Aviv white night - an art and music even that goes on from Thursday to Friday, I love this city in the summer, I love having to debate between 3 activities for every evening on the weekend and feeling heart broken to give up on a concert for a street party or on a movie for an exhibition opening. I love this city with desperate affection, it was my savior, it engulf me, it's around me and in me, a part of my being.

We walk around between the different booths, looking at the new Adam Sher T-shirt collection, at the Dani Merav and Yotam's T shirts who both looks good, who both went to art school in the same time I was there, We stand for a while in front of the Ruby star display, admiring the crude genteelness of jewelry made of pearls and machinery parts, we meet people that we know, we spread around, loose each other in the crowd and find each other again, we talk about nothing, about life, and work and families, we talk about my friend being pregnant, about my visit to social security, about my friend's sister graduating from medical school, about life, we are 4 women in a wonderfully light street in the beautiful jaffa and we are alive, the streets are alive between our feet and I feel like I'm so alive I can just burst, explode with moistness and laughter and thoughts and feeling.

The air is wet with sound, with humidity, like a tropical greenhouse garden that sprout beautiful women and easy going conversation and I don't feel alone, I don't feel alone at all.

Going into the dark warehouse where video art is being screened all around the walls, the pillars that support the roof and walking in there, I could stand inside swirling color and projector sound, we lay down on one of the king size mattress and just stare on the walls and talk about nothing. After a while they turn on the lights the evening is about to close, it's midnight, the sound people packing the equipment, another friend come over, passing me a bottle of rum, I drink a bit but once the light's on the magic is gone for me, I diminish back into myself into those mundane thoughts those insecure feeling that's been on my mind lately, of death and errand, and I think - it's taking me over 3 days to finish a god damn drawing, And I think, I haven’t had an original thought or a deep actual feeling in days, I feel parched on the inside, uninspired and scared. I want to do something, something moving, emotional, I want a grand gesture.

More people gather outside the warehouse, friends and friends of friends, the last few booths are closing in, packing their goods into boxes and starting to move them into cars.

They are going to go to one of the girl's house and hang out, drink have fun, talk into the night, maybe dance, I could come with them, part of me want one of those liberating drinking nights I later regret in the morning, 6 months ago I would have gone, no question about it but now, looking down at a trash bin full of beer bottles and watermelon shells, the magic dissolve in front of my eyes, I feel like I was dancing in a ball, feeling all beautiful and neat and going to the bathroom to look into the mirror and seeing the makeup dripping on my cheek and all the wrinkles, tiredness and alcohol shining through my skin, my face.

I say good bye to all of them, many kisses on the cheek and I head back home, I sit at the computer, I pour myself a drink I look down on my belly, I feel fat, ugly and sweaty, but I feel - like me,

Gap Sex Caboose Breaking

2006-04-18T23:45:00+02:00

I'm in the middle of a mind-melting project, so no time for a coherent blog post. Instead, I'll vaguely fulminate against Jessee Jackson, Gap sex caboose breaking, and sexism. If you want a coherent application of PNM Theory to domestic politics, read Chirol. If you want a good summary of the Lacrosse incident, read . Else, read on.

Rev. Jesse Jackson, Founder and President Rainbow/Push Coalition, has announced his organization will pay the Duke scandal accuser's tuition regardless of whether she's telling the truth or not about being raped.

Too bad Elisabet Sunde wasn't black. Then she would at least havehelp paying for her lawyer.Of course, if Elisabet Sunde was black, her name might have been Crystal Gale Mangum.

Fetish Anniversary Party

2006-02-28T23:15:00+01:00

Looking for something fun to do this Friday? Want to "peek" in on a fetish party without worrying too much about dress code? Then head over to La Cave de Justine Friday (March 3) for the one year anniversary party of the "Fetish in Paris" soirées on March 3. To celebrate in typical French style, they're having more of an "open house" atmosphere than you'd find at their regular soirées, with discussion groups, anniversary cake, and a bit of networking. Hey, don't ask me, it's what the invitation says:

Ce ne sera pas une soirée comme les soirées FetishInParis mais plus l'occasion de discuter, faire connaissance ... et manger le gateau d'anniversaire! Ilo et Hugo aimeraient que cette soirée soit l'occasion de faire plus ample connaissance entre les membres du site!

So there's no strict dress code (but you should at least be in all black, and do wear your leather, latex or vinyl if you have it), and the entrance is free. Drinks will be €5 (soft drinks) to €15 (Champagne). The details:La Cave de Justine3 rue Villedo, 1stMétro: Pyramides or Palais-RoyalTel: 01 42 96 90 74 or 06 64 45 17 17

Get Your Sexy Horoscope!

2006-02-23T21:48:39+01:00

Check out the Clinique Cosmique at fashionista boutique Colette (213 Rue St-Honoré, 1st), where kitsch "sextrologers" Stella Starsky and Quinn Cox will read your horoscope on March 1-4 from 4-6pm at the Water Bar (downstairs) — gratuit — in English or fluent Franglais. The duo are authors of the book Sextrology: The Astrology of Sex and the Sexes. Be sure you know what time you were born!