Last posts on communication

How To Talk To People

2012-01-06T03:56:06+01:00

Doing all of these things and keeping them in mind can be difficult. I try my best, and still have trouble, but it is still the best advice I have to offer.

Listen, Don't Talk

When talking to people, the mistake most people make is talking to much, and not listening enough. Communication is more about understanding than making yourself understood. The complexities of communication and language are complex, and can be daunting. Arguments, misunderstandings, and the like, are in my opinion, always caused because both people in the conversation are trying, and feel as thoughn they are having no sucess, at making themselves understood.

What I have found to be the remedy to this is to take a step back from yourself. Instead of continuing to try, and fail, at making the other party understand your perspective, stop yourself. Rather, take a deep breath and try your best at understanding the other person involved. If you can indeed do this, and make the other party understand that you are hearing them, you may quickly find what could be a argument turn into a conversation.

Don't Go On The Attack

Beyond that, do not make acusations. If someone is doing something that bothers you, first fully analyze why it is that what they are doing bothers you. Then try to explain to them how it makes you feel when they behave in that manner. By attaking the person or their character because of their behavior all you will ever get is a fight. By explaining in simple terms why their actions or behavior make you feel unpleasant, you instead give them the chance to be introspective and fix the issue at hand. Where it is easy to respond to an accusation with anger, it is difficult to respond to hurting someones feelings with anything other than understanding.

Do Not Hurt People Because They Hurt You

Often times when someone makes us feel bad about ourselves it is a natural response to want to make them feel the same way. Experiencing something unpleasant and alone is much worse than experiencing something unpleasant in shared company. For this reason we typially respond to someone making us feel bad by trying to make them feel the same. That is why accusations are so commonly met with more accusations. Try your best to avoid doing this. When someone has a complaint about you, or your behavior, listen. Do not tell them things they do, that you do not like about them, as a justification for yourself. Listen to what they have to say. Take the time to do some self introspection, to see if there is any truth to it, before responding emotionally.

Stay On Point

Do not interupt people when they say something you think is unfare or untrue. Instead let them say their peice, then respond to their point, instead of nitpicking the way they get to it. This is one of the hardest things for me to do personally. I have trouble letting someone slip in an untruth when they are explaining something, without cutting them off, and telling them so. I have found though, that when I do this, I never get to the point of their argument, and instead get sidetracked. Later, once they have worn said all they have to say,respond to the core issues of what they are telling you. Fighting over symantics and such, will get you no where.

Set Your Ego Aside

Do not be afraid to admit fault or responsability. Our egos can get in the way of this very easily, but if you hear the other person out with an open mind, and conceed on points that have validity, you show you are listening, and owning up to your own shortcomings. By taking responsability for your portion of the conflict you can inspire the other party to do likewise. Thereby making what was an argument into helpful communication for both people. When doing this, do it for real, do not agree you are in the wrong when you don't think you are. Take the time to think about how you could have avoided the conflict from the begining, and apopgize for what you see as your part in it. It is not healthy to take blame where it is undeserved, but it is healthy and beneficial to you, to see and correct your own unjust actions. False apologies will lead to later conflict, where real ones will help you avoid making the same mistake again. This is also key to letting the other person know they are being understood.

Stay Calm

Finally, when things get really heated. Always do your best to remain calm, chek yourself, do not blurt out emotional responses that you will regret later. When you are angered, enraged, hurt, etc,. Take deap breaths, think and do not shout. Take a step back from yourself and know that the other person will probably see the error of their ways without you making them aware of it. If they hurt you emotionally, let them know, and allow them the time to understand this. They will eventually, and they will probably sincerely apologize for saying hurtfull things in the heat of the moment at a later time.

From my experiene, these are the most helpful tips to avoid unhealthy confrontations. Best of luck with your future communications, and conversations. Remember, above all else, for healthy conversations, always listen.

The Sharing of an Experience

2011-10-25T19:22:00+02:00

Art is nothing but the sharing of an experience, and any way to share an experience may be seen as art.

How to face a disaster when there is no ”ready to use” action plan ?

2011-03-18T09:08:00+01:00

The recent news show how vulnerable we are. Nowadays, crisis and disasters are global and involve so many stakeholders that no_one really has THE answer.

An accelerating factor is global communication and internet that spread information in real time.

But can it really help to face the problems and accept consequences ?

Should governments gather informations and undertake a "ready to use" action plan ?

It may be useless as information is not the solution. We sould anticipate and ACCEPT how vulnerable we are.

I recently heard a very interesting interview about how to face a disaster and anticipate disasters.

Here are basic questions when facing a disaster :

what is the REAL problem ? what are the key issues in this crisis ? technical, human, health ?
what are the first mistake we should anticipate before we act ? when
who are the key players involved in ?
what are the first scenarios to face the crisis ?

Public authorities should not try to set up plans but more set up teams to anticipate and analyse key issues. Take the time to analyse. And before, anticipate facing the real risks and acceptance issue with public opinion.

It is worthless to say "there is no risk" or "I manage risks". Should we say "Here are the risks, do you agree to cope with them" ?

We could try to make such an exercice with recent disasters such as Katrina, Deepwater Horizon, etc. where obviously no "plan"

Wait Marketing Tour, in 7mn

2011-02-17T00:20:00+01:00

Shared Experiences

2011-02-03T18:54:00+01:00

“We must recognise that the suffering of one person or one nation is the suffering of humanity; that the happiness of one person or nation is the happiness of humanity.”

— Dalai Lama

In far future, brain-computer interface could allow us to share in each other’s experiences as though they were our own. The only thing we would need to do to share an experience with others would be to experience it ourselves, so that anything that would make our own experience better would make everyone’s better, and we would no longer make any distinction whatsoever between what is best for ourselves and what is best for others, not even on the short term, because it would always be the same: to experience as much as possible every moment. Neither altruism nor egoism would still exist in a world where we would thus be united into a single mind, where everyone becomes part of the same whole, and this whole, society as its entirety, would become our new self. By such time, automation would have made all work except for creativity obsolete, and using brain-computer interface, all forms of creativity could be shared with others from our imagination, which would no longer need any other medium to be expressed: just imagining something would be enough to create it, and so imagination would itself become the same thing as creativity. In such world, psychology and neurology, which are now still mostly theoretical, would become the most applied sciences there are, as we would now focus not so much on material creation but on spiritual creation. The focus of society would shift from how to create the best wares to how to create the best experiences.

[Wait Marketing] Book Tour

2010-12-09T01:45:00+01:00

Wait Marketing Book Tour by Prof. Diana Derval

View more presentations from diana.derval.

Language Center Hyperactivity

2010-07-29T13:48:00+02:00

Our thoughts almost always come in the form of words, and therefore likely almost always involves the language center. The hyperactivity of human thought processes may therefore be connected to a hyperactivity of the language center. It would seem that it is the former which leads to the latter, but what if it is the other way around, and the reason we think so much in the first place is in order to communicate our consciousness with others?

This hyperactivity of the language center may be something innate in humans: it is an instinctive need to communicate as much as possible, as, in this way, we connect to a group which is stronger than any of the individuals alone. It allows us to connect our minds to a single superorganism, much as ants do, and much like ants, allows us to become the single most successful organism in our class. Constant communication allows us to coordinate our actions as individuals to the actions of a group.

This, our society, is what more than anything, even our intelligence, truly gave us dominance over the planet. None of us humans is really that intelligent, that is, certainly not intelligent enough to form a civilization. Only together can we form a civilization that gives us dominance over the entire biosphere, but this takes thousands of years. For the intellect of one individual to last for thousands of years requires it to be communicated for that time. It is not as individuals that we are this intelligent, but as a group. Humanity is a group, and it’s intelligence is that of the group as a whole.

We are all as the neurons of an even greater brain, and as neurons, we are to constantly fire signals to one another. It is at least partly our communication that forces us too think as much as we do. The hyperactivity of our thoughts is actually largely caused by the hyperactivity of our communication, not the other way around.

Most of our thoughts are meant solely to later be communicated to others. This is why these thoughts keep repeating even when they have already been communicated to our unconscious mind, and will often keep repeating until we feel they have been communicated enough to the people around us. It is also why we often think these thoughts in a way as if we are already communicating them.

To the group, this communication is meant to create a society. To the individual, it is meant to create an identity within that society and thereby become part of it. To both the group and the individual, it increases the chances of survival. But that our individual survival depends on society and therefore our communication with it means that communication is also a matter of instinct and therefore, emotion. Our need for communication is also a need for connection,

Some meditators, rather than trying to reduce this hyperactivity, may have attempted to convert this activity in a form that actually requires less thought processes, that is, by activating it in a way that has no actual meaning to the analytical mind, thereby allowing it to calm down.

This method is mantra meditation: mantras keep the language center busy, and do so in such way that they do actually communicate something, but in a way that requires no thought processes. Rather than thought, it communicates a feeling, a state of mind: that of meditation.

The mind’s need for a constant outflowing of its state of mind is thereby satisfied in a way that requires minimal effort, so that, in the meantime, the mind can focus on this state of mind for itself. It is an easy way around mind chatter: rather than trying to reduce it, mantras convert it into a form that is less noisy.

This might mean that actually utter the mantra is not necessary, and one may also think it. The point is that one transfers one’s need to communicate entirely into it. However, uttering the mantra strengthens one’s intention to do this, and at the same time, focusses one’ attention on one’s breathing. The fact that Tibetan mantras often sound so low is probably because they are sung from deep in the belly, which is often seen as the center of breathing and therefore of focus in meditation.

The mind’s sense of communication, however, is still there, whether it is trying to communicate through mantras or words. This is perhaps because words themselves probably began from utterances similar to mantras, utterances without analytical meaning, and whose meaning was to be intuited entirely from their sound. Instead of to other people, however, the mind is now focussed on communication with something greater, the universe — or, actually, the meditator’s own consciousness of the universe. Our consciousness of the universe is in effect the whole of our consciousness, there being nothing else to be conscious of. “Communication” with the “universe” therefore transfers our consciousness from society to something far greater, to the whole of consciousness itself.

[Wait Marketing] Networking While Waiting in Hi-Speed Trains

2010-06-08T03:54:00+02:00

You are traveling a couple of hours from London to Paris, or Amsterdam to Koln. You could surf the Internet, read your emails or my new book or do some networking :) In partnership with Viadeo, Thalys facilitates Hi-Speed networking for business professionals.

Smart initiative!

Your Wait Marketing Guru

[Wait Marketing] Happy and Healthy 2010

2010-01-05T17:02:00+01:00

We support the Better Immune System Foundation

hello..

2008-03-23T02:13:46+01:00

hello dear friends..i'd like to welcome all of u in my blog page..we're here to share a nice times together N' to know useful thin's frm time to time..maybe ...to tell the othere's who we are?!!..may be..i'll talk here about every thin' N' any thin'...i'll talk about me..you..us..Egypt..the world..i'll talk about my ideas in general..it's unlimited times to share..Ally sadaa.

Another Problem with Religion

2007-11-10T18:51:37+01:00

"A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand." -- Bertrand Russell

[Wait Marketing] Free Chapter from the book Wait Marketing (second edition)

2007-09-24T05:56:00+02:00

Prof. Diana Derval

2007-09-24T04:36:00+02:00

Prof. Diana Derval, MBA, is the President and Research Director of DervalResearch, global market research firm specializing in human perception, new product development and commercialization.

With her marketing vision and rational approach, Diana Derval turns the latest neuroscientific breakthroughs into powerful marketing frameworks like Wait Marketing and the Hormonal Fingerprint (find more at www.derval‐research.com). Visionary researcher and author regularly featured in the media, Diana Derval accelerated the development of Fortune 500 firms like TomTom, Michelin, Sara Lee, HP, Philips, Bouygues, and Danone.

Author of the book «Wait Marketing» sold worldwide and translated in many languages, Diana Derval is President and Creative Director of Wait Marketing guru. With agencies in Europe, Africa, Asia, Middle‐East, and North America, this communications and marketing group helps brands save from 30 to 70% on their advertising budget just by communicating at the right moment.

Diana Derval holds an Executive MBA and a Masters Degree in Marketing from ESSEC Business School. She is Professor of Marketing an d Management of Technological Change at the University of Wales MBA/Robert Kennedy College, teaches Cognitive and Sensorial Marketing, Marketing Strategy, Market Research, Marketing and Innovation at ESSEC Paris‐Singapore Business School, at University Leonard de Vinci in Paris, and gives inspirational lectures and workshops from San Francisco to Tangier.

You can contact Prof. Diana Derval via the official Wait Marketing website www.wait‐marketing.com (www.waitmarketing.info in French), by email at guru@waitmarketing.com or by phone at +31 61 824 0803.

Your Stress is our stress, too...

2007-06-11T07:05:00+02:00

I've read your blog.
Am glad to notice that we still have an important place in your heart. Though our words may have hurt you, you did it too, with your own. Not that I am trying to push the blame on you, but at times, you don't think, you act on how you felt. You gave in to your emotions and let them run over your brain and control your body without consiously knowing so.
Despite everything, I am really contended to know that you are aware of your own actions and thoughts, ESPECIALLY those that will harm yourself and get us all hurt by it. Please always remember that, you are not alone. You tend to take great likings to place yourself in your own world, a world which you think that you are at disadvantage. A world that you think that you are a victim of 'lost attentions/affections'. A world that you think that you lost all freedom, and all will to live on....
But you are not. That is just an illusion, a land of escapade which you drew yourself in. Amidst everything else that is revolving around you, you went in and out of that place. Mind you, however cruel it is to be living in REALITY, you are still going to live through it.
You have come thus far, but there's still a long long way ahead. Everyone else may come and go. We, unlike any others, are here to stay. The reason, I'm sure you know.
I would say that at this stage of your life, your studies are of utmost important. I am not saying that you have done nothing or attempted nothing at all in maintaining where you were. However, I think that you need to spend some time to re-prioritise your time and your priorities at this time of the year. It is just 6 more months before you move on to another level, another part of your life. You maybe able to join in a tertiary program, you may have to serve the nation. I, for one, would prefer that you fight for the opportunity to pursue your studies as it may be harder after a break of 2.5years if you are to serve the nation... you know what I mean, and you have seen it before, how I managed work, family and studies all at the same time. Or perhaps, you didn't notice that it was hard for me, too?

I know that you felt like the whole world weigh down on you, things don't work out, all these relationships came up with problems one after another... How about thinking of someone else who is much worse than you? There's always this saying that there is someone who is better than you (人外有人,天外有天), there is also someone who is much worse! No rush to solve ALL problems at once, take it one by one. Slowly, coz your efforts in resolving the issues will show.

Sacrifices hurts. But regrets cuts deeper. It is better to make some sacrifices now than to have regrets eating you away later. Think things through. I hate to say this but you do have to decide and make some sacrifices to ensure that you pave your own path as you set your foundation for your own future. We have gone through these many times before, you know what you want and what you need. It is fine to be selfish at times, as long as you are not doing it at the expense of others. You can always talk to us, especially mum. It may not seem obivous to you, but to me, she knows very little of what you are going through at this stage of life. You have not shared much with her. Trust me, she is a good advisor, though the way she's gonna say it may hurt you, but you must always remember that she is just trying to point out the cold hard facts that you may have wished to not acknowledge.

We have talked to her and even suggested to her to not delve into your BGR, hope it helps. But I hope that what I have commented to you previously on that issue is not forgotten.

Do check your gmail sometime... I think I will not post it up here for all to read as we go forward... I do have to watch what I say afterall... it's a public space!!

Marketing and advertising Conference Topics proposed by Diana Derval for Q3 2006 and 2007

2006-08-15T23:25:00+02:00

I'm happy to share with you my conference topics for Q3 2006 and 2007. I will keep you updated on my speaking opportunities.PROPOSED CONFERENCE TOPICSA – Wait-Marketing: How to save half of your communication budget in 6 steps?Explains how to save half of a communication budget in 6 steps. This practical and effective approach is based on Kotler’s 5Ms (Mission-Means-Message-Media-Measurement) enriched by a missing M: the right Moment! Various business cases coming from the US, Japan, Africa and Europe will help the audience to quickly turn the Wait-Marketing approach into successful and affordable communication campaigns.B - Communicate with your consumers at the right place and at the right moment!Proves the effectiveness of communicating with consumers at the right place and at the right moment, through the success stories of GoogleAds and the newspaper Metro, conveniently placed at the disposal of the consumers while they are waiting in public transport. C - Advertising 2.0: A new approach to advertisingDescribes the changes advertising is encountering thanks to web 2.0: more interaction, more consumer control, more mobility, more contextual information, more knowledge sharing between consumers themselves. AUDIENCEThese conferences are aimed at:- Advertisers, in large companies and agencies, who regularly invest in traditional media and are in search of innovative and effective modes of communication,- Small companies and start-up executives, who dedicate their communication budget to sales promotion or direct marketing and are looking for affordable advertising solutions,- Marketing professionals, teachers and students willing to keep updated on advertising and marketing best practice.Download the proposed conference topics: Diana_Derval_Conference_Topics_Marketing_and_Advertising.2.pdfDiana DervalWait Marketing guru

M.

2006-06-27T22:55:00+02:00

M. was my biggest failure this year I guess. Not in terms of teaching... just merely in terms of communicating, which is the basic task of a teacher. Talking to your pupils, finding the right way to do it. It’s hard; I guess it takes some time. Should I privilege dialogue, above all? But what does it mean? Should I be more strict? Can I really talk to them? Can they share? Are they ready to open up? Is it my job to listen to them? How far should I go?I often restrained myself. I forced myself not to say too much, just trying to get to know them enough to have a good working atmosphere. Tried to see if there were any problems; failed to see them.But I saw M. had a problem. Not a big one. He was just fed up with school I guess. He was in the middle of a crisis, wondering where to go and why.He had this very nonchalant attitude, not caring about anything, talking like a baby, smoking weed (and stopping when realizing that we started to become aware). It was just all nonsense to me. I saw distress. And I also saw stupidity. Not in the wrong sense. Just teenage-like stupidity you know. I talked to him many times, gently first, then tried a more severe way. Didn’t work. He never said anything. Never expressed himself other than negatively.I tried to help him out first, being behind him during the exercises to encourage him. Then he gave up. The tests started to be really bad. I tried to hold on it, to keep encouraging him but I think I also partly gave up when I saw there was strictly no response.As a young teacher, you believe you can make a difference. You have all those big ideas you know. I guess it's legitimate. Well, I still have them fortunately. M. made me wonder for sure but he didn't shake my beliefs. He left as he came. In between the two, I’m wondering what happened in his mind. I wonder if my class left any mark on him; I wonder how he’ll remember me. I hope he will become someone good. I hope he will grow up and find his place in the world. I won’t be there to see it.That reminds me of something that one of our teachers at the IUFM said: “you plant seeds all the time when you’re a teacher. But you’ll never see the plants grow. That’s the frustration of our job.”

”Wait Marketing : affordable advertising at last!” the new reference book on advertising for companies and agencies

2006-05-14T21:30:00+02:00

Editions d'Organisation, a top French business books publisher, Harvard Business School Press Partner in Europe, was enthusiastic about my unique and effective advertising approach.As a result, my book will be published in French in december 2006!"Wait Marketing : advertising affordable at last!" will help companies and agencies to implement effective and efficient advertising campaigns by sharing best practices and also the experience of famous brands like Jaguar, TomTom or M&M's.Thank you all for your contribution to this genuine practical guide that will quickly become the reference for communication professionals :)Feel free to suscribe to this blog's monthly newsletter to know more about Wait Marketing!Diana DervalWait Marketing guru

Divide your advertising budget by two by communicating while consumers are waiting

2006-05-14T21:05:00+02:00

The principal tenet of Wait Marketing is valuing the priviledged context of ‘waiting’. Consumers have proved extremely receptive to advertising while waiting - with outstanding memorizing coefficients sometimes exceeding 50% whereas traditional advertising (television, Internet, outdoor), which requires considerably larger budgets, seldom reaches 15%!Learn more about Wait Marketing by visiting this blog and order your copy of the book "Wait Marketing: Communicate at the Right Moment at the Right Place".Prof. Diana DervalWait Marketing guruSources : Ad 2-one and Carat Interactive with Armand Morgensztern, march 2001 / Canal33, Ifop.